Hal Sparks - Trapped in a Klorn

Small, Foley, Popp, Sparks Season 6, Ep 601 10/26/2002 Views: 5,750

Hal Sparks investigates a piece of ass. (2:27)

I SPENT SIX HOURS ON THE PHONE

WITH IKEA TECHNICAL SUPPORT.

IT WAS HORRIBLE.

SIX HOURS OF THIS...

"UM, CAN I SPEAK TO SOMEONE

WHO ISN'T SWEDISH?

YES, I WAS ASSEMBLING THE KLORN

ENTERTAINMENT CENTER AND I HAVE

BECOME TRAPPED INSIDE.

NO THE-- NO-- I HAVE THE--

IN THE FILE, I KNOW.

I HAVE THE FLORT DESK.

NO, AND THE KLUM CHAIR,

BUT THIS IS THE SNORREL--

NO I AM THE--

NO, I CANNOT REACH THE ALAN

WRENCH FROM HERE.

PLEASE SEND THE SWEDISH CHEF."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

OH, MAN.

I AM SINGLE, IN FACT, AND I AM

LOOKING FOR A GIRL.

I'M ACTUALLY--

I'M TRYING TO SCARE UP A PIECE

OF ASS, AS MY DAD WOULD SAY.

AND--

(LAUGHTER)

PIECE OF ASS IS ALWAYS A STRANGE

THING TO HEAR GUYS CALL A WOMAN.

A PIECE OF ASS?

PIECE OF ASS SOUNDS LIKE

SOMETHING A FBI AGENT FINDS IN A

FIELD, YOU KNOW?

(LAUGHTER)

"CENTRAL, THIS IS AGENT JENKINS,

I FOUND WHAT--

(LAUGHTER)

WELL, IT APPEARS-- IT APPEARS

TO BE A--

(APPLAUSE)

IT APPEARS TO BE A PIECE OF

ASS."

I'M GONNA FLAG IT AND TAG IT

AND BAG IT.

BUT I ACTUALLY MET THIS GIRL

AND I REALLY LIKE HER, I MEAN,

I REALLY LIKE HER, I MEAN,

I REALLY LIKE HER.

I REALLY LIKE HER.

I LIKE HER SO MUCH THAT I'VE

DIED AND GONE TO EIGHTH GRADE.

I'M DROPPING OFF MIXED TAPES

AT HER HOUSE, YOU KNOW.

I GOT HER TO GO OUT ON A DATE

WITH ME.

AND WE GO OUT AND I JUST WANTED

IT TO GO PERFECTLY.

YOU KNOW HOW YOU WANT THE NIGHT

TO GO PERFECT?

AND ON THE INSIDE I WAS COOL.

ON THE OUTSIDE, I LOOKED LIKE

THE ANIMATRONIC BEAR IN THE JUG

BAND AT CHUCK E. CHEESE.

"ARE YOU ENJOYING YOUR SALAD?

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I PICKED THIS PLACE FOR THE

AMBIENCE.

I KNOW WHY I DO IT.