with my hilarious jokes,let me see
if I can read the audience'smind for a moment.
( chuckling )
I think I've got it.
The question that seems to beon everyone's lips:
"Mike, what's it liketo be flawless?
"What tapesare you listening to?
"What program did you join?
How do we become part of it?"
Well, believe it or not, folks,
there are some holesin this armor.
Mike Black has a few flaws.
For one, I'm going baldin a spiral.
Not much good unless you'retrying to hypnotize your date.
"You're getting very horny.
"Your legs are heavy.
They're opening slowly."
So I'm dating now.
Out there in the community.
That's its own joke in a way.
I was dating a scientistfor a while.
Only, she didn't liketo think of it as dating, no.
She liked to think of it
as a series of experimentson subject 11-A.
I wasn't dumped.
I was tagged and releasedin a familiar environment.
"A comic book shop?
"Guess I live here now.
My current girlfriendis awesome.
She's smart. She's funny.
She's beautiful.She has a great job.
She works as a fictionalreference in my comedy act.
She deserves the applause.
It's a hard job.
She commutes every dayon a unicorn
from Castle Grayskull.
With her roommate Chewbacca.
Sometimes we go drinkingwith Smurfette.
I'm trying to get theminto a drunken three-way.
Even if I just watch themsmurf each other's smurf,
that would be totally hot.