Jake Johannsen - Taxi Driver

Reid, Eaton, Sweeney Season 2, Ep 2 05/25/1993 Views: 1,062

Some cab drivers don't have any protection. (2:45)

-That aftershaveis working for me.

Thank you for comingtonight, and welcome

to two drink minimum.

And speaking of drunks,I took a cab here tonight

with a guy-- you know, I get inthe cab and I'm always worried.

I tell the driverwhere I want to go,

and I'm always worriedhe didn't understand me.

Because they floorit right away.

And you hit the--I said Columbus

Circle, not kill us both.

And if you can't hear them--if they can't hear you,

either way, it's becauseof that Popemobile

back shield windowthing they have.

I guess they'reworried that I'm going

to kill them or something.

But I can barelypay the guy through

that spring-loadedmouse trap door thing.

I got my money now.

And then some cabs-- some ofthem, they're totally paranoid.

And then some cabsyou get in, and they

have no kind of protection,security at all.

I guess they give those tothe guys who show up late.

Maybe a couple ofhead wounds will

teach him some punctuality.

And then a lot oftimes you get the cab,

and you get a foreign guy.

Which, OK, a reallylot of times.

And then there's two-- there'sthe guys who speak no English,

and then there's the other guyswho if they do speak English,

then they want to--they won't shut up

about the politicsof their homeland.

What is being done tomy people is an atrocity

supported by yourdog of a president.

He holds the whip that flays theflesh of our innocent masses.

And I'm in thebackseat, that flayed

flesh thing, that is a hassle.

On the right is good for me.

No, I am not finished.

We will drivearound until I fully

explain the injustice thathas befallen our people.

Oh man.

And I want to ask theseguys-- you know, you're

in the back of the cab and yousee-- I always want to ask him,

could you turn down that airfreshener thing that you have?

What is in that jar on the dash?

It's like the most powerfulfragrance known to man.

And then sometimesyou get in the cab

and you get-- it'skind of rare now,

but you get the nativeNew York cabdriver

who has been drivingthe cab like 40 years.

And then he wants to tellyou too much, like about how

we can't get anerection anymore.

Or else you get the otherguy, that moody loner Travis

Bickle type whodoesn't say a word.

And god, you don'twant to say anything,

because you'reafraid you'll unleash

a torrent about Jodie Foster.

Once in a greatwhile, you get the guy

that knows exactly wherehe's going, takes all

the right streets andmakes all the lights.

And you find out thenews later that he's

the guy who killedthe real driver.