Kurt Metzger - An Eighth Cherokee

  • Season 13 , Ep 1
  • 01/11/2009
  • Views: 7,447

There's one detail about your heritage that Kurt doesn't want to hear about. (2:23)

IS ANYBODYINTO RACIAL DATE HERE?

I HOPE SO.

I HOPE YOU'RE NOT ALL RACISTSLIKE THAT.

MY FIRST GIRLFRIEND INMY WHOLE LIFE WAS PUERTO RICAN,

WHEN I LIVED IN JERSEY CITY,AND, UH...

[ CHEERING ]YEAH.

SHE WAS VERY TRADITIONAL.

A VERY TRADITIONAL PUERTO RICAN.

ACTUALLY,THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT WORD.

SHE DID NOT SHAVE AT ALLDOWN THERE.

THAT'S ACTUALLY --

THERE WAS LIKE THREE POUNDSOF BRUSH TO GET THROUGH.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW...

YEAH. I KNOW!

I KNOW!

SO MUCH.

WHAT DO YOU EVEN DOWITH SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

HOW DO YOU EVEN APPROACH THAT?

YOU JUST GOT TO GIVE IT A NOOGIEAS BEST YOU CAN.

YOU'RE LIKE,"COME HERE, PUERTO RICAN!

COME AND GET YOUR..."

[ LAUGHTER ]

OH.

I'M ALL FOR THE --YEAH, I'M ALL FOR MIXING,

ALTHOUGH I DON'T WANT --IF YOU LIKE --

HERE'S THE ONE TIMEI'M NOT EAGER

TO HEAR ABOUTYOUR LITTLE MIXED HERITAGE.

IF YOU'RE LIKE A LITTLE BITNATIVE AMERICAN --

LIKE, I DON'T MEANA REAL AMOUNT, LIKE HALF,

BUT IF YOU'RE LIKE 1/8,JUST SHUT UP.

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT, OKAY?

I GOT A NEIGHBOR LIKE THAT,THAT -- HE'S 1/8 CHEROKEE.

THIS DOUCHE BAG HAS A PONYTAIL.

HE HAS A DREAM CATCHERIN HIS ROOM THAT HE LIKES.

HE LIKES TO POINT TO IT, LIKE,"I HAPPEN TO BE 1/8 CHEROKEE,

"AND THAT'S WHY I HAVETHIS DREAM CATCHER

THAT CATCHES ABOUT 1/8OF MY DREAMS."

[ LAUGHTER ]

LIKE,WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THAT?

WHY WOULD I CARE IF YOU'RETHAT SMALL AMOUNT OF CHEROKEE?

I'M NOT THE GAMING COMMISSION.I CAN'T HELP YOU.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

'CAUSE HE'S TRYING TO SEEM LIKE

HE'S A LITTLE EXTRA SPECIAL,YOU KNOW?

LIKE, HE'S NOT JUST A WHITE GUY,HE'S 1/8 CHEROKEE,

SO THAT MEANS IF WE EVERGET LOST IN THE WOODS TOGETHER,

HIS CHEROKEE POWERSMIGHT ACTIVATE...

[ LAUGHTER ]

...AND HE'LL BE ABLE TO TALKTO THE GREAT TREE OF THE FOREST,

OR, LIKE, AN OWL WILL LANDON HIS ARM

AND JUST BEAST-MASTER US HOMEOR SOMETHING.

IF YOU'RE 1/8 CHEROKEE, THATMEANS YOU'RE NOT CHEROKEE, OKAY?

THAT'S ALL THAT MEANS,AND IF YOU'RE WHITE,

YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF NERVEBRAGGING ABOUT THAT.

'CAUSE I GUARANTEEYOUR WHITE GENES

HAVE FORCED YOUR CHEROKEE GENES

ONTO A RESERVATIONIN YOUR BALL HAIR.

THAT IS WHERE YOUR HERITAGE IS,WHITE GUY,

IN YOUR, UH,WORST PART OF YOUR BODY.

[ APPLAUSE ]

Loading...