My friends ask me if I get a lotof girls because of comedy.
That insinuates I get so manygirls I got to categorize them.
Like, "These girls'cause of comedy.
"I got these 'cause they thoughtI was rich,
and these thoughtI was Harry Potter."
I know, I know.
I am adorable.
I was a waiterbefore I started stand-up.
I worked at a restaurant.
I was a waiter for two years.
They gave us a two-year pin toput on the collar of our shirt,
just in casewe're ever there thinking,
"Hey, how's my life going?"
All we had to do
was look down and realize, "Oh,it's gone nowhere in two years."
Holy baloney, time flies
when you sing 1,300birthday songs in a week.
I found outthey had a 30-year pin.
It was an Applebee's;they had a 30-year pin.
I'm like, "Man, that's got to bea good banquet."
They're like, "We're hereto honor all our Apple-buddies.
"Tommy, who's a waiter... still.
"Also, we'd like to honorJohn Applebee,
"the creator of Applebee's.
"John's a millionaire.
"Tom, if you could,pick up table 24.
We're freakin'... we're busy."