Kyle Dunnigan - Alarm Clock

  • Season 11 , Ep 16
  • 03/15/2007
  • Views: 21,094

Alarm clocks scare you awake. (1:42)

'CAUSE I GET UPAT LIKE 2:00PM.

BUT THAT'S LIKE 7:00AM IN JAPAN, YOU KNOW?

IF WENT TO JAPAN TOMORROW THERE'D BE NO JETLAG.

THEY'D BE LIKE,"HE'S A REAL GO-GETTER.

7:00AM, READY TO GO THIS GUY. WOW-WEE!"

I'M LIKE, "THAT'S RIGHT. "I'M NOT LAZY ON THIS SIDE

- OF THE PLANET." - [LAUGHTER]

I USED TO SET MY ALARM. BUT-- I HATE I HATE ALARMS.

THEY'RE SO LOUD, YOU KNOW?

THEY SCARE YOU AWAKE, DON'T THEY? THERE'S NO WARM UP.

THERE'S LIKE PAA! PAA! PAA! PAA! RIGHT OFF THE BAT.

THAT'S NOT HOW YOU WAKE SOMEBODY UP-- PAA, PAA!

IT'S SO LOUD MY DEAF NEIGHBOR CAME OVER SHE WAS LIKE,

- "CAN YOU TURN THAT CRAP DOWN?"- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THAT HAPPENED TWICE, I KNOW.

MY MOTHER WAS LIKE, "THAT'S A TERRIBLE JOKE TO SAY.

WHAT IF A DEAF PERSON HEARD YOU SAY THAT?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I HAVE AN IDEA FOR AN ALARM CLOCK. IT REASO YOU AWAKE.

GIVES YOU REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD GET UP. IS THAT A GOOD IDEA?

I'M GONNA HAVE DR. PHILDO THE VOICEOVER

BECAUSE PEOPLE TRUST THAT GUY.

YOU'LL JUST HERE, "I-- I-- I MEAN, LOOK.

"YOU COULD SLEEP ALL DAY, OKAY.

"BUT, YOU--YOU CAN'T DARE SLEEP...

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I SEE YOUR EYES ARE CLOSED BUT HONEY, I DON'T BUY IT."

I LIKE THE-- THE SNOOZEBUTTON'S A GOOD THING

BUT EVEN THATDOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSEWHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

IT'S LIKE I HATE GETTING UP IN THE MORNING

UNLESS IT'S OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

- THEN I'M GOOD. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SIGN ME UP FOR THAT PLAN.

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