Kevin Hart - Dumb

  • Season 8 , Ep 6
  • 02/12/2004
  • Views: 118,912

Kevin was not a smart kid. (3:55)

Kevin Hart: I WAS BAD, THOUGH,

MAN.

THAT'S-- MY MOM WAS LIKE THAT.

I WAS TOO BAD.

I USED TO MAKE MY MOM PASS OUT.

SERIOUSLY, I DROVE MY MOM CRAZY

WHEN I WAS A CHILD.

SHE USED TO PASS OUT 'CAUSE

SHE HAD HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE.

SO, WHEN MY MOM WOULD GET MAD,

HER BLOOD PRESSURE WOULD RISE,

AND SHE WOULD JUST PASS OUT.

YOU KNOW.

YOU COULD ALWAYS TELL WHEN SHE

WAS GONNA PASS OUT 'CAUSE HER

SENTENCES WOULD STOP MAKING

SENSE.

SHE WOULD JUST BE YELLING.

YOU KNOW.

"AH, KEVIN, TAKE YOUR FOOT OFF

THE REFR-- BOY, AND, UM--

PUT IT-- IN THE PIZZA BOX

BEFORE I SMACK, AH-- UM--."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

[CHEERS AND WHISTLES]

SHE JUST PASSED OUT ALL THE

TIME.

I JUST WISH I WAS SMARTER.

THAT'S ALL.

I WISH I WAS REALLY SMARTER.

LIKE I WASN'T THAT SMART AS A

KID.

I WAS DUMB.

I WAS, I CAN ADMIT IT.

I DON'T CARE.

THINK WHAT YOU WANNA THINK.

[LAUGHTER]

NOT THAT MANY PEOPLE ARE HONEST

WITH THEMSELVES.

I WAS DUMB.

I WAS.

THERE, THERE, I SAID IT.

SO WHAT?

[LAUGHTER]

I COULDN'T DO MATH, MAN.

COULDN'T DO MATH TO SAVE MY

LIFE.

I REMEMBER ONE TIME, MY MOM

GOT SO FRUSTRATED WITH ME,

BECAUSE I COULDN'T GET A MATH

PROBLEM, THAT SHE CALLED ME

DUMB.

YOU KNOW.

SHE STARTED YELLING AT ME.

YEAH.

"KEVIN!

LOOK AT ME, BOY!

ALL RIGHT!

NOW, YOU CANNOT BE THIS DAMN

DUMB!

[LAUGHTER]

YOU CAN'T BE!

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE, KEVIN!

NOBODY'S THIS STUPID, BOY!

NOW, LOOK AT ME!

ALL RIGHT?!

IT'S SIMPLE MATH, KEVIN!

IT'S SIMPLE!

SIMPLE MATH, ALL RIGHT?!

ONE PLUS ONE!

[LAUGHTER]

OKAY?!

ONE PLUS ONE, KEVIN...

THAT'S ALL IT IS!

ADD úEM UP!

ADD úEM UP, BOY!

DO YOU HEAR ME?!

YOU ADD úEM UP, KEVIN, AND WHAT

DO YOU GET?!"

[LAUGHTER]

YOU EVER GIVE YOUR MOM THE

"I'M THINKING" FACE?

YOU KNOW, THE...

[LAUGHTER]

"13, FOUR"--"

"BOY, SHUT THAT-- SHUT--

SHUT UP!

SHUT UP!

SHUT-- SHUT UP!

OKAY?!

YOU GOT THIS ONE AND THIS ONE!

THAT'S WHAT YOU GOT!

YOU GOT THIS ONE AND THIS ONE."

LIKE, THE MADDER SHE WOULD GET,

HER MOUTH WOULD JUST GET TIGHT.

"YOU HEAR-- YOU HEAR WHAT I'M

TELLING YOU?

YOU HEAR-- DO YOU HEAR WHAT

I'M TELLING YOU, BOY?

BECAUSE I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T,

BOY, IT'S GONNA BE SOMETHING.

NOW, LOOK AT ME, ALL RIGHT?

YOU GOT THIS ONE AND THIS ONE,

KEVIN, ONE AND ONE.

YOU PUT úEM TOGETHER.

YOU PUT úEM TOGETHER LIKE THIS,

AND YOU ADD úEM UP.

ADD úEM UP!"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

OKAY?!

YOU ADD úEM UP, KEVIN!

AND WHAT DO YOU GET?!

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

"ELEVEN?

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS."

"ELEVEN?

I KNOW DAMN WELL YOU AIN'T

GONNA-- I WORKED EVERY--

AND WHAT IF I COME BACK--."

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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