Kevin Hart: I WAS BAD, THOUGH,MAN.

THAT'S-- MY MOM WAS LIKE THAT.

I WAS TOO BAD.

I USED TO MAKE MY MOM PASS OUT.

SERIOUSLY, I DROVE MY MOM CRAZYWHEN I WAS A CHILD.

SHE USED TO PASS OUT 'CAUSESHE HAD HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE.

SO, WHEN MY MOM WOULD GET MAD,HER BLOOD PRESSURE WOULD RISE,

AND SHE WOULD JUST PASS OUT.

YOU KNOW.

YOU COULD ALWAYS TELL WHEN SHEWAS GONNA PASS OUT 'CAUSE HER

SENTENCES WOULD STOP MAKINGSENSE.

SHE WOULD JUST BE YELLING.

YOU KNOW.

"AH, KEVIN, TAKE YOUR FOOT OFFTHE REFR-- BOY, AND, UM--

PUT IT-- IN THE PIZZA BOXBEFORE I SMACK, AH-- UM--."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE][CHEERS AND WHISTLES]

SHE JUST PASSED OUT ALL THETIME.

I JUST WISH I WAS SMARTER.

THAT'S ALL.

I WISH I WAS REALLY SMARTER.

LIKE I WASN'T THAT SMART AS AKID.

I WAS DUMB.

I WAS, I CAN ADMIT IT.

I DON'T CARE.

THINK WHAT YOU WANNA THINK.

[LAUGHTER]NOT THAT MANY PEOPLE ARE HONEST

WITH THEMSELVES.

I WAS DUMB.

I WAS.

THERE, THERE, I SAID IT.

SO WHAT?

[LAUGHTER]I COULDN'T DO MATH, MAN.

COULDN'T DO MATH TO SAVE MYLIFE.

I REMEMBER ONE TIME, MY MOMGOT SO FRUSTRATED WITH ME,

BECAUSE I COULDN'T GET A MATHPROBLEM, THAT SHE CALLED ME

DUMB.

YOU KNOW.

SHE STARTED YELLING AT ME.

YEAH.

"KEVIN!

LOOK AT ME, BOY!

ALL RIGHT!

NOW, YOU CANNOT BE THIS DAMNDUMB!

[LAUGHTER]YOU CAN'T BE!

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE, KEVIN!

NOBODY'S THIS STUPID, BOY!

NOW, LOOK AT ME!

ALL RIGHT?!

IT'S SIMPLE MATH, KEVIN!

IT'S SIMPLE!

SIMPLE MATH, ALL RIGHT?!

ONE PLUS ONE!

[LAUGHTER]OKAY?!

ONE PLUS ONE, KEVIN...

THAT'S ALL IT IS!

ADD úEM UP!

ADD úEM UP, BOY!

DO YOU HEAR ME?!

YOU ADD úEM UP, KEVIN, AND WHATDO YOU GET?!"

[LAUGHTER]YOU EVER GIVE YOUR MOM THE

"I'M THINKING" FACE?

YOU KNOW, THE...

[LAUGHTER]"13, FOUR"--"

"BOY, SHUT THAT-- SHUT--SHUT UP!

SHUT UP!

SHUT-- SHUT UP!

OKAY?!

YOU GOT THIS ONE AND THIS ONE!

THAT'S WHAT YOU GOT!

YOU GOT THIS ONE AND THIS ONE." LIKE, THE MADDER SHE WOULD GET,

HER MOUTH WOULD JUST GET TIGHT.

"YOU HEAR-- YOU HEAR WHAT I'MTELLING YOU?

YOU HEAR-- DO YOU HEAR WHATI'M TELLING YOU, BOY?

BECAUSE I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T,BOY, IT'S GONNA BE SOMETHING.

NOW, LOOK AT ME, ALL RIGHT?

YOU GOT THIS ONE AND THIS ONE,KEVIN, ONE AND ONE.

YOU PUT úEM TOGETHER.

YOU PUT úEM TOGETHER LIKE THIS,AND YOU ADD úEM UP.

ADD úEM UP!"[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

OKAY?!

YOU ADD úEM UP, KEVIN!

AND WHAT DO YOU GET?!

[LAUGHTER][CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[LAUGHTER][CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

"ELEVEN?

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS."

"ELEVEN?

I KNOW DAMN WELL YOU AIN'TGONNA-- I WORKED EVERY--

AND WHAT IF I COME BACK--."

[LAUGHTER][CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]