Greg Giraldo - The Olympics

  • Season 1, Ep 5
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 7,486

If you want to see how easy America has it compared to so many other countries, watch the Olympics. (1:27)

(Greg Giraldo)WE'VE HAD ITEASY IN AMERICA

FOR A LONG TIME AND NOW...

WANT TO SEE HOWEASY WE HAVE IT HERE

COMPARED TO SOMEOF THESE COUNTRIES?

WATCH THE OLYMPICS,WHEN THEY SHOW YOU THOSE

BEHIND THE SCENES LOOKSAT THE ATHLETES...

AND THE OBSTACLESTHEY HAD TO OVERCOME

TO GET INTO THE OLYMPICS.

THERE WAS ALWAYS SOMELONG DISTANCE RUNNER

FROM BOTSWANA OR SOMEPLACE.

THE POOR BASTARD CAN'TEVEN AFFORD SNEAKERS.

HE'S GOT, LIKE, HYENAPELTS LASHED TO HIS FEET,

HE'S RUNNING THROUGHTHE DESERT IN A TORNMR. BUBBLE T-SHIRT.

HE BEGAN RUNNINGAT THE AGE OF FOUR

WHEN HIS ENTIRE FAMILYWAS HACKED TO DEATHBY RIVAL VILLAGERS.

HE'S BEEN RUNNINGEVER SINCE!

AND THEN THEY CUT TO THEAMERICAN ATHLETE'S STRUGGLE

AND IT'S ALWAYS SOME-SOME15-YEAR OLD FIGURE SKATER

FROM THE SUBURBSWHO'S LIKE...

I HAD TO WAKEUP REALLY EARLY.

MY MOM WAS SO SUPPORTIVE.

SHE'D WAKE UP EARLYAND DRIVE ME TO THEICE SKATING RINK,

LIKE, SHE WOULD DRIVE MEBECAUSE WE HAD TO GET THERE

AT 3:00 IN THEMORNING FOR ICE TIMES.YOU KNOW WHAT... MAYBEYOU SHOULDN'T HAVEBEEN A FIGURE SKATER

IF YOU LIVE THAT FAR FROMTHE ICE SKATING RINK.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

MAYBE A LITTLE FIELD HOCKEY,LET YOUR MOM SLEEP IN,

YOU SELFISH BITCH.

I'M NOT GONNA ENDORSETHIS (bleep)...

THIS LAST WINTER OLYMPICSHAD A LUGIST, A LUUUGER.

A LUGE GUY FROM LONG ISLAND,THEY SAID IT WAS AMAZING.

HE WAS COMPETINGIN THE OLYMPICS

BECAUSE HE HAD TO OVERCOMEDYSLEXIA TO BE THERE.

DYSLEXIA!

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE LUGE?

(Greg Giraldo)YOU COULD BE DEAD AND STILLBE PRETTY GOOD AT THE LUGE.

THERE'S NOREADING IN THE LUGE.

THERE'S NO SIGNS, YOUCAN'T GET ALL DYSLEXIC.

THE BETTER READERSGO FLYING PAST YOU...

"EAT MY DUST, RETARD!"

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