Greg Fitzsimmons - Long Term Relationships

  • Season 1 , Ep 5
  • 12/28/1998
  • Views: 6,393

Keep your relationship exciting. (2:08)

IS INTERESTING BECAUSE THE THINGTHAT KEEPS IT ALIVE IS THE SEX.

WHEN YOU FIRST STARTHAVING SEX WITH SOMEBODY

YOU NEVER DISCUSSWHAT YOU LIKE AND DON'T LIKE.

RIGHT? YOU JUST TRY STUFF.

AND THEN THE OTHER PERSONEITHER GOES, "OH, YEAH..."

OR THEY GO,"HEY, DON'T DO THAT!"

AND YOU NEVER KNOW.

AND THAT TENSION IS GOOD.

YOU LIKE THAT.

THAT'S WHAT KEEPS IT EXCITING

AND YOU HAVE TO KEEP THATIN THE RELATIONSHIP.

NO MATTER HOW LONG YOU GO OUT

YOU HAVE TO KEEPINFUSING THE WEIRD, YOU KNOW.

AND SO, LIKE, MAYBE YOU'VEBEEN GOING OUT FOR SIX MONTHS

YOU COME HOME ONE NIGHT

YOU'VE HAD A COUPLE OF DRINKS

YOU'RE LIKE, "HMM...

MAYBE I'LL SLAP HER ASS."

YOU DON'T KNOW WHY.

YOU'RE JUST CURIOUS IF SHE'SGOING TO LET YOU DO IT, RIGHT?

AND YOU DON'T JUSTSTART SLAPPING.

FIRST, YOU JUST GIVE IT

A COUPLE OF LITTLE TAPS.

COULD HAVE BEEN A SLAP,COULD HAVE BEEN AN ACCIDENT.

JUST FEELING HER OUT.

AND THEN, FINALLY,YOU GET YOUR NERVE TOGETHER

YOU RAISE YOUR HAND UP

AND THEN YOU GIVE HERTHAT ONE SLAP

AND THEN YOU WAIT.

( laughter )

( applause )

AND SHE DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING

SO YOU GO, "ALL RIGHT!

HOW ABOUT THAT? SLAP! WHOO!"

AND YOU'LL JUST CONTINUE

DOING MORE AND MOREWEIRD THINGS, YOU KNOW

UNTIL, FINALLY,YOU DO THAT ONE THING

AND YOU JUST CROSS THE LINE

AND SHE JUST STOPSAND GOES, "HEY, WHAT THE...?!"

AND YOU GO,"SORRY. I DIDN'T KNOW."

AS A SINGLE COUPLE,WE ARE NO LONGER ABLE

TO HANG AROUNDWITH MARRIED COUPLES

'CAUSE THEY CANNOTBE IN OUR PRESENCE

WITHOUT GETTING VERY ANNOYING.

RIGHT? IT'S ALWAYSTHE SAME THING:

"WHEN ARE YOU GUYSGETTING MARRIED, HUH?

"WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?"

"WHEN ARE YOU GUYSGETTING MARRIED?"

"WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?!"

"WHEN ARE YOUGOING TO GET MARRIED?!"

"WHEN ARE YOU GOINGTO GET MARRIED?!"

"I DON'T KNOW.YOU'RE MARRIED.

"WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO DIE?

"'CAUSE YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED.

"DEATH WOULD BE NEXT.

"WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO DIE?

"WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO DIE?"

'CAUSE THEY HATE IT.

THEY SCREWED UP AND YOU'RE FREE

AND THEY'RE PISSED OFF ABOUT IT.

AND THEN THEY WANT YOUTO JOIN IN.

"COME ON! COME ON WITH US!

"WE ALL GOT MARRIED!

"IT'S HORRIBLE.

COME ON!"

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