- LET THE TOURNAMENTOF FIGHTING STYLES...BEGIN!

[cheers and applause]

ROUND ONE.

IRON SHOGUN VERSUSTHE SHADOW WARRIOR.

[cheers and applause]

THE SHADOW WARRIOR.

- [coughs]

- THE SHADOW--- WHERE'S THE [bleep]

SHADOW WARRIOR?- I DON'T KNOW, HE CONFIRMED.

- AH, GOOD,SO YOU TALKED TO HIM.

- UH, EMAIL.- EMAIL? YOU HAVE TO CALL.

[bleep]. OKAY, OKAY,JUST SWITCH THE SCHEDULE AROUND.

HAVE HIM FIGHT ZUN-MAI.- ZUN-MAI'S NOT HERE.

- ZUN-MAI'S NOT HERE?

UGH! WHAT ABOUT CROCODILE?- NO.

- LEROY SMAX?- NUH-UH.

- DANNY HERO?- NADA.

- BLOOD NINJA?- NO.

- YOSHIKO?- NAH.

- CYBORG?- NOPE.

- WHAT'S HIS NAME,THE [bleep] MONKEY KUNG-FU GUY.

- SORRY.- YOU CAN'T HOLD

A MYSTERIOUS, UNDERGROUNDMARTIAL ARTS TOURNAMENT

WITH ONE GUY!

- DON'T I, LIKE, WIN BY DEFAULT,OR WHATEVER?

[crowd booing]- GOT TO DO EVERYTHING MYSELF

AROUND HERE.[phone ringing]

[crowd booing]

- [on phone] HELLO?- [chuckling] LEROY SMAX.

HOW'S IT GOING, MAN?IT'S YAO-ZHANG.

- YO, WHAT'S UP?- YEAH, SO WE WERE JUST HAVING

THIS WHOLE TOURNAMENT TO PROVETHE BEST FIGHTING STYLE THING,

AND WE WERE REALLY HOPING--- YEAH, SORRY, MAN, I WOULD,

BUT RIGHT NOW,I'M GETTING REVENGE

AGAINST THE SHAOLIN WARRIORWHO KILLED MY BROTHER.

- REALLY? THAT'SWHAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY DOING?

YOU'RE ACTUALLY DOING THAT?

- YEP, GOTTA GO.[video game fighting grunts]

- WELL, 'CAUSE I--HELLO?[dial tone]

GOD DAMN IT!

[dialing beeps]

[phone ringing]- YELLO?

- BLOOD NINJA, MARTIAL ARTSTOURNAMENT ON DRAGON ISLAND.

WAITING FOR YOU, BUDDY.WHERE ARE YOU?

- OH, SHIT. THAT WAS TODAY?I CAN'T.

I'M IN CONNECTICUT WITH MY KIDS.[baby babbling]

[beep]- ASSHOLE!

OKAY, I KNOWI CAN GET YOSHIKO TO COMMIT.

SHE'S ALWAYS HAD, LIKE,A THING FOR ME.

[dialing tones]

- OOH! [panting]

[phone ringing]

UGH!

[beep]

[crowd booing]- COME ON, MAN,

HE'S GOT TO FIGHT SOMEBODY,OTHERWISE,

WE LEGALLY HAVE TO REFUNDEVERYONE'S ADMISSION.

I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY, MAN.

I SPENT IT ALLON THIS [bleep] THRONE!

OH, GOD, I'M GONNA HAVE TO MOVEBACK IN WITH MY PARENTS.

- WAIT! MASTER YAO-ZHANG,CAN I BORROW YOUR PHONE?

[cheers and applause]

- HEY, DID SOMEBODYORDER A PIZZA?

UGH!

[grunts][cheers and applause]

- IRON SHOGUN WINSTHE TOURNAMENT!

[cheers and applause]- [laughs]

OH, I AM SORRY,TRAFFIC WAS JUST--

AH, COME ON!I'M, LIKE, FIVE MINUTES LATE.