Mitch Hedberg - Alcoholism

  • Season 1 , Ep 6
  • 01/04/1999
  • Views: 73,105

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only disease you can get yelled at for having. (2:20)

I LIKE TO DRINKBEFORE THE SHOW.

I HAVE A COUPLE DRINKSBEFORE I GO ON STAGE.

( applause )

EVERY TIME PEOPLE APPLAUD

I'M ALWAYS GOING,"NO, NO, HOLD ON."

BUT ALCOHOLISM IS A DISEASEBUT IT'S LIKE THE ONLY DISEASE

THAT YOU CAN GET YELLED ATFOR HAVING.

( laughter )

( applause )

PROVOCATIVE.

DAMN IT, OTTO,YOU'RE AN ALCOHOLIC.

DAMN IT, OTTO, YOU HAVE LUPUS.

ONE OF THOSE TWODOESN'T SOUND RIGHT.

( laughter )

I WANT TO BEA RACE CAR PASSENGER.

( laughter )

JUST THE GUYWHO BUGS THE DRIVER.

SAY, MAN,CAN I TURN ON THE RADIO?

YOU SHOULD SLOW DOWN.

WHY DO WE GOT TO KEEP GOINGIN CIRCLES?

MAN, YOU REALLY LOOK TIRED.

I PLAY GOLF.

I'M NOT GOOD AT GOLF.

I NEVER GOT A HOLE IN ONE.

BUT I DID HIT A GUY...

AND THAT'S WAY MORE SATISFYING.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO YELL FORE,BUT I WAS TOO BUSY MUMBLING

"THERE AIN'T NO WAYTHAT'S GOING TO HIT HIM."

I BOUGHT A DOUGHNUT

AND THEY GAVE MEA RECEIPT FOR THE DOUGHNUT.

I DON'T NEED A RECEIPTFOR A DOUGHNUT.

I'LL JUST GIVE YOU THE MONEY.

YOU GIVE ME THE DOUGHNUT.

END OF TRANSACTION.

WE DON'T NEED TO BRINGINK AND PAPER INTO THIS.

I...

( chuckling )

I JUST CANNOT IMAGINETHE SCENARIO

WHERE I'D HAVE TO PROVETHAT I BOUGHT A DOUGHNUT.

SOME SKEPTICAL FRIEND?

DON'T EVEN ACT LIKEI DIDN'T GET THAT DOUGHNUT.

I GOT THE DOCUMENTATIONRIGHT HERE.

( laughter and applause )

OH, WAIT.

IT'S BACK HOME IN THE FILE...

UNDER "D" FOR DOUGHNUT.

BUT WE ALL KNOW WHAT "D" IS.

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