President Obama Skewers the GOP

June 15, 2016 - Timothy Simons 06/15/2016 Views: 4,702

President Obama makes veiled references to Donald Trump during his withering critique of the GOP's escalating Islamophobic rhetoric. (8:00)

AUDIENCE (chanting):Larry! Larry! Larry! Larry!

Thank you very much.Thank you. Oh, man.

Welcome to The Nightly Show.

I am Larry Wilmore.Thank you so much.

Please have a seat.What a great crowd, man.

Energy. I like that energyin our crowd tonight, man.

(cheering, applause)

So...

even if you cometo The Nightly Show alone...

you are keeping it 100.

Timothy Simons from Veep

joins us on the paneltonight, you guys.

-Very excited... Very funny.-(cheering, applause)

Very funny.

Now... Oh, oh, oh, here's news.

Um, yesterday,Donald Trump turned 70.

Um... Or, asBernie Sanders calls it,

the good old days.

But entering his 70s

also makes Trumphistory's oldest baby.

Well, that is, since Brad Pittplayed that elderly toddler

getting into mischiefwith, uh,

I think it wasCookie Lyon, right?

Right. Okay.

But... I think it was.

But on day oneof this new Trump decade,

Obama had some harsh words

for the 840-month birthday boy.

The president responding--the most forceful way yet

to what he's heardfrom his critics,

especially the presumptive

Republican presidential nominee,Donald Trump.

I haven't heard the presidentget this, uh,

this passionate on an issue,Jim, in a long time.

Hold up a second. Wait.

Did anyone else noticethe woman in the...

in the top left of the screen?

Wait, let's see thatagain, please.

I haven't heard the presidentget this, uh,

this passionate on an issue,Jim, in a long time.

Um... Wolf,I've got breaking news.

I think we found Beckywith the good hair.

-(cheering, applause)-I think...

I think we found her.I think it's her.

(humming)

All right, anyway,uh, what was Obama saying?

The main contributionof some of my friends

on the other sideof the aisle have made

in the fight against ISIL

is to criticizethis administration and me

for not using the phrase"radical Islam."

Wait, wait, O... Hold...Obama, you just said it.

No! Obama, you fellinto their trap, brother.

Now they got it on tape,and they can do this.

I love...

radical... Islam.

And so do you.

This nation is great because...

radical... Islam.

Part of the reasonI love campaigning is...

radical... Islam.

Thank you. God bless...

radical... Islam.

See? I warned you about this,President Obama.

As Larry Wilmorepointed out last week...

radical... Islam.

Wait, wait, no, no.How did I get dragged into this?

No. No.

Oh, man.

-(cheering, applause)-Oh.

Anyhow, yesterday,Obama made it clear

he doesn't needto use the GOP's phrase.

There's not been a moment

in my seven and a half yearsas president

where we have not been ableto pursue a strategy...

because we didn't use...

the label "radical...

Islam."

Seven and a half years?

I think your pauses took upseven of those years.

(chuckles) I mean,I've said I believe

Trump needs to think morebefore he speaks,

but, honestly, Obama,you need to think less

while you're speaking.

Just say it.

But Obama is right. Refusing the term

"radical Islam" hasn't made him soft on the Middle East.

I mean, when itcomes to terrorists, he's ruined

more plotsthan an obnoxious coworker

live-tweeting Game of Thrones.

If there's anyone out therewho thinks we're confused

about who our enemies are...

that would come as a surpriseto the thousands of terrorists

who we'vetaken off the battlefield.

Mm... Taken off the battlefield?

Mr. President, if I may say--

I don't think you're usingthe proper language here.

Just seems a little soft.Taken off the battlefield.

May I suggest something like...

we killed Osama, bitch!

(cheering, applause)

Works better. It's better.

MAN:USA! USA!

USA.

I love that.

Yeah, we killed, Larry, USA.

Okay. But actually,there was a word

Obama carefully avoidedduring his speech.

I'll give you a hint--it rhymes with Trump.

We now have proposals from thepresumptive Republican nominee

for presidentof the United States.

Politicians who tweetand appear on cable news shows.

Politicians who tweet?

I mean, seriously, who could hebe talking about, right?

Well, I'm talking aboutorange-faced comb-over folks.

Now, here to comment

on his increasing tensionswith President Obama,

please welcome the presumptiveRepublican nominee, you guys.

(cheering, applause)

And, uh...

Oh, and beforewe get started, uh,

I wanted to wish youa happy belated 70th birthday.

Thank you, Larry.Bittersweet, really.

I mean, last year,

my sexy daughter Ivankacalled me

to wish me a happy 69,

and, uh, I saved...I saved the voice mail.

I listen to it all the time.I mean, the number 69, it's...

it's like ear porno.

-Whoa.-Sexy as hell. It's so hot.

You really are disgusting,aren't you?

Um... Okay, so what do youthink about Obama

giving an entire speechabout you

but never using your name?Are you insulted by this?

Larry, come on,are you kidding me here?

This is the highestcompliment possible.

It's huge, massive,like my hands.

Huge. I mean, come on.

I literally don't think any partof what you just said is true.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Ever read thoseHarry Potter books?

-Yeah.-I mean, they're fantastic.

I mean, a little hard to followand not enough pictures,

but otherwise fantastic.Look, they really are.

All right.

You know who elsewas so powerful

that nobodycould speak his name?

Voldemort.Me and Voldemort,

like two peas in a pod.

Um...

Voldemort? You're...

you're comparing yourselfto Voldemort?

Excuse me, excuse me.

Did he not make Hogwartsgreat again?

I mean, come on.

He was a fantastic magician.

I mean, he should havegotten Mexico

to pay for the Dementors,but, uh, you know.

I do not think he madeHogwarts great again.

Uh, but this is allbeside the point.

I can't believe you thinkit's a compliment

for the presidentto avoid using your name.

Look, it's like whenyou're presented with a line

of new nameless Miss Universecontestants, Larry.

I mean, you just nodat the choicest one,

you whisk her away,you put her on your private jet.

-It's a huge compliment.-What?

Who needs a namewhen you have legs up to here?

I mean, come on.

What you just describedis demeaning and gross.

Excuse me, excuse me.You want to talk gross?

How 'boutwhen Obama says "ISIL."

I mean, really? I mean, "ISIL"?Come on, what's that?

-What? -It sounds like the nameof a popsicle brand.

-All right.-Speaking of which,

you haven't lived untilyou've seen a popsicle licked

-by my daughter Ivanka. Mmm...-Okay. All right.

You are obsessed...

You... you have this horrible,

horrible, gross obsession...

You're gross.

-Exactly. Hey, Obama,it's "ISIS," okay? -Wait...

Not "ISIL." I mean,what a disaster this guy is.

He's awful. All I know ishis refusal to acknowledge me

means he knows I'm powerfuland right for America.

But that doesn't even makesense. You think it's good

if he doesn't say your name,but you think it's bad

if he doesn't say"radical Islam"?

Look, at this point,the only thing I want from Obama

is for him to leave everythingin the White House.

-We know how the blacks are,okay, Larry? -What?

I mean, come on.By the time I move in next year,

the whole placeis probably gonna be looted.

Okay, that is it.I don't agree with any of...

The man who will not bepresident, everybody!

-We'll be right back.-(cheering and applause)

You are horrible!