Uncensored - Chris Rock - John McCain Is Old

Chris Rock: Kill the Messenger Season 1, Ep 101 01/11/2010 Views: 58,941

Chris Rock finds a flaw in John McCain's war hero story and imagines what people think when they hear Barack Obama's name. (2:58)

SARAH PALIN OUT THERE SHOOTING

MOOSES AND SHIT AND HOLDING UP

THE MOOSE AND SHIT.

I SEE HER HOLDING A DEAD MOOSE,

I'M LIKE, "WHAT THE FUCK

IS MICHAEL VICK IN JAIL FOR?"

[chuckles]

BITCH SHOT A MOOSE.

WHAT THE FUCK?

MY GOD.

JOHN MCCAIN, HOW YOU GONNA

MAKE DECISIONS ABOUT THE FUTURE

WHEN YOU AIN'T GONNA BE HERE?

HE'S OLD.

THE MOTHERFUCKER'S TOO OLD.

WHEN YOU DIE AT 72,

NO MATTER WHAT YOU DIE OF,

IT'S NATURAL CAUSES.

EVEN IF YOU GET HIT BY A TRUCK,

IT'S NATURAL CAUSES,

'CAUSE IF YOU WAS YOUNGER,

YOU WOULD HAVE GOT OUT THE WAY.

BUT THEN, YOU KNOW, YOU GOT

A REAL CHOICE, MAN,

BARACK OR MCCAIN.

THEY TRY TO--

MCCAIN JUST GOT THAT OLD STORY.

THIS MOTHERFUCKER BEEN TELLING

THE SAME STORY

FOR 40 FUCKING YEARS.

HE A WAR HERO.

HE A WAR HERO.

HE A WAR HERO

THAT GOT CAPTURED.

THERE'S A LOT OF GUYS IN JAIL

THAT GOT CAPTURED.

SHIT.

[cheers and applause]

FUCK THAT.

I DON'T WANT TO VOTE FOR NOBODY

THAT GOT CAPTURED.

I WANT TO VOTE FOR THE

MOTHERFUCKER THAT GOT AWAY.

THAT'S WHAT WE GOT, MAN.

SO WHO HE IS RUNNING UP AGAINST?

BARACK OBAMA.

[cheers and applause]

BARACK OBAMA, MAN.

[cheers and applause]

BARACK OBAMA?

YES.

BLACK MAN

WITH A BLACK NAME.

I KNOW IT AIN'T THAT BLACK HERE,

BUT IN AMERICA, THAT'S ABOUT

AS BLACK AS A NAME COULD GET.

BARACK OBAMA.

THAT'S RIGHT NEXT TO

DIKEMBE MUTOMBO.

THAT'S RIGHT.

BARACK, MAN, HE DON'T LET HIS

BLACKNESS SNEAK UP ON YOU.

YOU KNOW, IF HIS NAME WAS BOB

JONES OR SOMETHING, IT MIGHT

TAKE YOU TWO OR THREE WEEKS

TO REALIZE HE BLACK.

BUT SOON AS YOU HEAR

BARACK OBAMA,

YOU EXPECT TO SEE A BROTHER

WITH A SPEAR,

JUST STANDING ON TOP

OF A DEAD LION LIKE...

[grunts]

BARACK OBAMA.

YOU EXPECT TO SEE THE BASS

PLAYER FROM THE COMMODORES

COME OUT.

♪ TOO HOT TO TROT ♪

♪ NOW, BABY ♪

♪ TOO HOT TO TROT ♪

♪ BABY ♪

I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT

LIONEL RICHIE.

I'M TALKING ABOUT THEM SHINY

NIGGERS BEHIND HIM.

[chuckles]