Russ Meneve - Safety

  • Season 9 , Ep 10
  • 04/07/2005
  • Views: 2,143

Russ wants to arm wrestle elderly people while wearing a Superman suit. (1:34)

YA KNOW LIKE THAT HAIR CLUB

FOR MEN GUY.

YOU EVER SEE HIM IN THOSE

COMMERCIALS?

YOU ALMOST WANT TO GET A HAIR

TRANSPLANT SO YOU CAN START

DOING ALL THAT COOL STUFF THE

GUY STARTS DOING ONCE HE GETS

IT.

LIKE BOATING, AND KAYAKING,

AND HORSEBACK RIDING AND SKIING.

THEY MAKE IT SEEM LIKE YOU CAN'T

DO THIS IF YOU DON'T HAVE HAIR.

[LAUGHTER]

LIKE SOME GUY'S SITTING HOME,

"OH, HI BOB, TENNIS?

WHAT FRIGGIN HAIR, I CAN'T

PLAY!"

[LAUGHTER]

"I CAN'T EVEN PLAY PING PONG

THAT'S HOW BALD I AM!

BOWLING?

MMM MMM... STILL CAN'T DO IT."

I WENT BOWLING A COUPLE OF DAYS

AGO.

YOU GUYS EVER GO, AT ALL?

ANYBODY GO...?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH, ANYBODY, ANYBODY GO LIKE

ONCE A YEAR LIKE ME?

AND YOU TRY TO PUT THAT

PROFESSIONAL SPIN MOVE ON THE

BALL LIKE YOU SEE ON TELEVISION?

THAT ALWAYS WORKS OUT WELL,

RIGHT?

YOU HEAR A SNAP YOUR WHOLE

WRIST DISLOCATES.

MEANWHILE THE BALL JUMPED LIKE

EIGHT LANES AND KILLED A BABY.

[LAUGHTER]

BECAUSE THE BABIES ARE

UNPROTECTED OUT THERE, AM I

RIGHT?

HAVE YOU SEEN THE BABY KNAPSACK

WITH THE KID HANGING IN THE

FRONT?

COULD THAT POSSIBLY BE SAFE?

YEAH, THAT'S GOOD 'CAUSE WHEN

YOU TRIP, YOU WANNA BABY

AIRBAG...

[LAUGHTER]

TO BREAK THE FALL.

I WANT HAVE KIDS THOUGH,

YOU KNOW, BUT THERE'S SOME

THINGS I WANT DO FIRST WITH MY

LIFE, YA KNOW.

LIKE JUST ONCE I'D LIKE TO GO

INTO A NURSING HOME AND ARM

WRESTLE EVERYBODY WHILE WEARING

A SUPERMAN SUIT.

THAT'D BE FUN, RIGHT?

LIKE, SEE WHAT IT'S LIKE TO

FEEL POWERFUL.

LIKE, PUT A HITLER COSTUME ON

AND DRIVE AROUND IN A TAXI WITH

A VACANCY SIGN ON, WHILE

EVERYONE HAILS ME.

THAT WOULD BE KIND OF NICE,

RIGHT?

COULD YOU IMAGINE IF YOU HAILED

A CAB AND HITLER WAS IN THE

FRONT SEAT?

YOU'D BE LIKE, "HEY, TAKE...

OH, OH MY, OH MY GOD?"

[APPLAUSE]

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