Russ Meneve - Food vs. Sex

  • Season 9 , Ep 10
  • 04/07/2005
  • Views: 4,425

Russ talks dirty to cookies. (1:58)

I WAS WATCHING GUINNESS

WORLD RECORDS.

THEY HAD THE FATTEST WOMAN

IN THE WORLD.

SHE WEIGHED 1200 POUNDS AND

THE GUY STAYED MARRIED TO HER.

CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?

"HONEY, DO YOU THINK I LOOK FAT

IN THIS?"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THE LIVING

ROOM?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

BUT I'M WITH HER.

I THINK I LIKE FOOD BETTER THAN

SEX.

WHO'S WITH ME ON THAT ONE?

[CHEERS]

OKAY A COUPLE OF LOSERS,

EXCELLENT.

NOW YOU KNOW I WAS WATCHING A

PORNO AND THIS PIZZA DELIVERY

GUY WAS JUST GIVING TO THIS

HOUSEWIFE AND ALL I COULD THINK

WAS, "AHHH, THAT PIZZA'S GETTING

COLD."

[LAUGHTER]

AT LEAST PUT IT THE OVEN,

HE'S BENDING YOU OVER THE STOVE

ANYWAY, CAN'T YA...?

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

I TELL YOU, I EVEN TALK DIRTY

TO FOOD SOMETIMES.

I'M LIKE, "AH FRESH COOKIES...

I WANT YOU INSIDE ME.

[APPLAUSE]

I'LL TELL YOU I WAS JUST EATING

AT ONE OF THOSE OUTDOOR CAFES

WITH THE TABLES ON THE STREET.

THAT'S ALWAYS FUN RIGHT,

IN NICE WEATHER?

YEAH, THEN THAT HOMELESS GUY

WANDERS OVER TO YOUR TABLE.

I'M LIKE, "HEY, I'M TRYING TO

OVER EAT HERE, HUH."

I CAN'T DO IT WITH THIS GUY

SUCKING ON HIS FOOT IN FRONT OF

ME.

ONE GUY COMES UP HE DIPS HIS

WIENER IN MY SOUP.

WHAT DO YOU DO THERE?

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING,

FIVE SECOND RULE, BUT STILL

THAT'S ANNOYING, RIGHT?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

PLUS THERE ALL DRUNK OUT THERE,

YA KNOW?

YOU KNOW IT'S ILLEGAL TO DRINK

ON THE STREET IN THIS CITY?

BUT IF YOU ACTUALLY PUT IT IN

A LITTLE BROWN BAG, THE COPS

DON'T MESS WITH YA.

ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?

GREAT, WHAT'S NEXT?

GUYS HUMPING HEFTY BAG'S WITH

PROSTITUTES INSIDE?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH.

HEY OFFICER, JUST TAKING OUT

THE TRASH."

[LAUGHTER]

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