David Spade - Skiing with Friends

David Spade: My Fake Problems Season 1, Ep 101 05/04/2014 Views: 22,168

David Spade's friends have no interest in going down any of the ski runs that he wants to try. (1:50)

Watch Full Episode

- I WENT SKIING LAST YEAR,AND I'M PROBABLY GONNA GO AGAIN.

I'M NEVER ANY GOOD.I SKI...

I SNOW PLOW.

I SKI LIKE I'M CONSTANTLYLOOKING FOR A CONTACT LENS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?I'M LIKE THIS.

EVERYBODY, SHH!

I ALWAYS WANT TO GODOWN THE GREEN RUNS,

THE EASY ONES, YOU KNOW?

SO I TELL MY FRIENDS,BUT THEY'RE ALL IN A GROUP,

AND THEY WANT TO GODOWN TOGETHER,

BUT I TRY TO TALK 'EM INTO IT.

I GO,"GUYS, I THINK EVERYBODY--

"I FEEL LIKE WE SHOULD STARTON POP TART.

LET'S GO DOWN THAT."

AND THEY GO, "NO, WE'RE GOINGDOWN DEVIL'S BALL SACK."

I GO, "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

"THAT ONE SEEMS HARD.

"RIGHT THERE...

"IF WE GO DOWN MOTHER GOOSE,

"IT SORT OF GOESINTO PEEK-A-BOO

"AND THEN DOWN TO PILLOW TOWN,

"WHICH FEELS TRICKYAND CHALLENGING

BUT NOT OVERWHELMING."

AND THEY GO,"NOPE, HITLER'S ABORTION--

HERE WE GO, TWO BY TWO."

I GO, "NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO, NO."

[laughter and applause]

"GUYS, THERE--"

AND THEN I'M ON MY OWN,AND I GOT THE SKIS ON.

I'M TRYING TO WALK UP, LIKE,A ONE-INCH HILL.

I'M LIKE...

THESE MUSCLES I NEVER USE.

THEN YOU GET A LITTLE CROOKED.[hisses]

NO, I WANT TO GO THAT WAY.

TRY TO GO IN THE SNACK BAR,I HAVE TO POP THOSE OFF.

IT'S EVEN WORSE.I'VE GOT THE BOOTS ON.

KOOSH! KOOSH! KOOSH!KOOSH! KOOSH! KOOSH!

KOOSH! KOOSH!KOOSH! KOOSH!

I MEAN,CAN WE DO SOMETHING?

THEY HAVE NOT CHANGEDTHIS DESIGN IN 50 YEARS.

LITERALLY--EVEN ON THE MOON,THEY ROUND 'EM OFF A LITTLE BIT.

THIS IS TWO CINDER BLOCKSFROM MY ATTIC.

CAN WE GET NIKE INVOLVED?

I'M, LIKE,TRYING TO GET A DRINK.

I'M LIKE...[imitates soda spraying]

AH! ACL TORN.OH!

WERE YOU SKIING?

NO, I WAS GETTINGA MR. PIBB.

OH, IT WAS BAD.

I GET HURT EASY.

I'M A TOTAL PUSS.