T.J. Miller - Fight with Karen, Brass Knuckles & Tim Gregory

  • Season 1 , Ep 5
  • 11/13/2012
  • Views: 4,294

T.J. Miller reenacts a fight with his ex-wife Karen, discusses brass knuckles and practices introducing himself as Tim Gregory. (2:09)

[laughter]

USED TO GETREALLY DRUNK TOGETHER.

SO THEN WE'D GO HOMEFOR A LITTLE BIT OF THIS.

YOU KNOW WHATI'M TALKING ABOUT?

A LITTLE BIT OF THE, UH...

[imitates snoring]

"WAKE UP."

"SHUT UP, SHUT UP."

"WAKE UP!""SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP."

EIGHT HOURS LATER.

[yawns and kisses]

"GET OFF OF ME."

"WHAT'S THE MATTER?COME HERE."

"GET OFF OF ME!

DON'T YOU EVEN REMEMBERLAST NIGHT?"

"NO."[groans]

"OH, YOU PUSHED MEOFF THE BED, YOU BITCH."

"WHAT DID YOUJUST CALL ME?"

"NOTHING.

BITCH."

[caws]

MY WIFE WAS A GRIFFIN.

[laughter]YEAH.

I HAVE BRASS KNUCKLES,

'CAUSE THAT'S THE KINDOF PERSON I AM.

MY BUDDY PICKED UPTHE BRASS KNUCKLES.

HE GOES,"OH, THESE ARE PRETTY COOL.

WHAT ARE THEY,ONE SIZE FITS ALL?"

I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, IDIOT."

THEN I THOUGHT ABOUT IT,AND I DON'T KNOW.

IS THAT TRUE?DO YOU GUYS KNOW?

DOES ANYBODY KNOW?

I THINK THE REASONI THOUGHT IT WAS FOR SURE

WAS BECAUSEI CAN'T IMAGINE

A WORLD OR A REALITY

WHERE A GUY GETS HOME

FROM THE BRASS KNUCKLESPECIALTY STORE,

AND HE'S LIKE,"YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

"OH, GOD DAMN IT.

"OH, ARE YOU SERIOUS?

"THIS SAID LARGE.

"THESE ARE A SMALL.

"WELL, WHAT AM ISUPPOSED TO DO NOW,

TINY METAL FINGER SLAPS?"

BUT IF IT'S TOO LARGEWHAT DO YOU DO,

PUT BOTH YOUR HANDS INAND DO SHARK SLAPS?

[laughter]

I'VE BEEN PRACTICINGINTRODUCING MYSELF

AS SOMEONE NAMEDTIM GREGORY.

HERE ARE A FEWOF MY FAVORITES.

"HI, I'M TIM GREGORY.

PUT HER THERE,RIGHT THERE."

"YO, WHAT'S UP?IT'S ME, TIMMY G.

"TIM GREGORY.

TIM."

"WHOA, I DIDN'T NOTICEYOU THERE

"LURKING IN THE SHADOWS.

"ARE YOU A NINJA?

"JUST KIDDING.I'M TIM.

DON'T WORRY,IT'S NOT PEE OR ANYTHING."

[cheers and applause]

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