Nick Thune - Instant Messenger

  • Season 12 , Ep 9
  • 01/11/2008
  • Views: 38,610

If you're laughing out loud while talking to someone on the internet, you have to tell them. (5:39)

UM...

THIS IS A LOVE STORYTHAT ACTUALLY DOCUMENTS

MY FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH LOVEGROWING UP IN

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON.

I WAS 14 YEARS OLD AND IT'STITLED "INSTANT MESSENGER."

[TUNING GUITAR]

THE YEAR WAS 1994AND MY DAD BROUGHT HOME

THE FIRST FAMILY COMPUTER.IT WAS AN APPLE,

- THANKS, DAD.- [LAUGHTER]

HE BROUGHT IT INSIDEAND HE PUT IT ONTHE TABLE AND HE SAID,

"NICK, I CAN'T SET THIS UP.I'M TOO OLD."

I GRABBED HIS HAND,I SAID, "I CAN DO IT, ERIC."HE SAID, "CALL ME DAD."

- I SAID, "ALL RIGHT, DAD."- [LAUGHTER]

I HAD 1250 FREE MINUTES OF AOLBURNING IN MY BACK POCKET.

MY DAD SAID,"NICK, YOU'RE TOO YOUNG.

"YOU CAN'T HAVEYOUR OWN SCREEN NAME YET.BUT YOU CAN USE MINE."

IT WAS "SALMON" WITH AN "ERD"AT THE END OF IT. "SALMONERD."

SO I GOT ONLINE AS "SALMONERD"

FOUND OUT ABOUT CHATTINGPRETTY QUICK.

AND THAT'S WHERE I MET HER,INSYNC-HOTTIE-503.

♪ INSYNC-HOTTIE-503

♪ I HEART HER AND SHESMILEY FACED ALL OVER ME ♪

♪ SMILEY FACED ON ME

SOMETIMES INSYNC-HOTTIE-503WOULD SAY STUFF

AND I'D BE LIKE, "WHAT?"AND SHE'D BE, LIKE, "JK"AND I'D BE, LIKE, "LOL."

BECAUSE YOU GUYS,I KNEW SHE WAS JUST KIDDING.

BUT I WAS LITERALLYLAUGHING OUT LOUD.

AND IF YOU'REDOING THAT WHILE TALKING TOSOMEBODY ON THE INTERNET,

YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU.

I SPENT MOST OFTHE DAY MINIMIZING WHENMY DAD WALKED BY.

INSYNC-HOTTIE-503 TOLD MESHE WAS A 22 YEAR-OLD ACTRESS,

JUST MOVED TO HOLLYWOODTWO MONTHS AGO.

SHE WAS NERVOUSBECAUSE THE NEXT DAY,

WHICH WAS TOMORROW BACK THEN,

SHE WAS GONNA BE ON TVFOR THE FIRST TIME,

FULL HOUSE, TGIF.SHE WAS AN EXTRA.

TOLD HER, "HEY,I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKETO BE NERVOUS.

"I HAVE A PRETTY BIGNEXT DAY MYSELF

"'CAUSE I'M GOING OUT TO SEAFOR SIX MONTHS.

"I'M A 25 YEAR-OLDFISHERMAN IN ALASKA,

DEADLIEST SALMON RUNKNOWN TO MAN."

I WASN'T SCAREDBECAUSE THEY CALL ME

- "SALMONERD" FOR A REASON.- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AT ONE POINT,I HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOMSO I WROTE "BRB".

AND I CAME BACK A FEW MINUTESLATER AND INSYNC-HOTTIE-503

HAD WRITTEN"QUESTION MARK, QUESTION MARK,FROWNIE FACE."

AND I SAID, "LISTEN, I'M SORRY,INSYNC-HOTTIE-503, BUT 'BRB'

MEANS 'BE RIGHT BACK.'"SHE SAID, "NO, SALMONERD,I KNOW WHAT 'BRB' MEANS.

"BUT I DON'T KNOWIF YOU ARE GOING TO BE 'BRB'FROM THAT SALMON RUN."

AND THAT'S WHEN I SAID--CAPS LOCK--

"DON'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW!""JUST STOP YELLING AT ME!"

I SAID, "sorry," IN LOWER CASE.

[LAUGHTER]

I SAID, "LISTEN,I CAN'T LIE TO YOU ANYMORE.

I'M A 14 YEAR OLD KIDIN CATTLE AND I'M SCARED."

SHE SAID, "WHERE'SCATTLE?"AND I WAS, LIKE,

"YOU KNOW, THAT'S ASTUPID ABBREVIATION ON MY PART.

IT'S A C-ATTLE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

A FEW MINUTES WENT BY,NO RESPONSE.

SIGN OFF. SIGN ON.SIGN OFF. SIGN ON.

FINALLY, SHE SAID,"SALMONERD QUESTION MARK"

AND I SAID,"YES, INSYNC-HOTTIE-503,DOT, DOT, DOT"

SHE SAID, "I KNOW WHO YOU ARE

BECAUSE I'M YOUR57 YEAR OLD NEIGHBOR JIM."

[LAUGHTER, OH'S & APPLAUSE]

♪ INSYNC-HOTTIE-503

♪ I CRY FACED HER RIGHT AFTERSHE WINKY FACED ♪

♪ ALL OVER ME

♪ WINKY FACED ON ME

SHE DIDN'T ACTUALLY DOA REGULAR WINKY FACE.

SHE DID A SEMICOLON,BEGINNING PARENTHESIS.

WHICH IS A WINKY/FROWNY FACE.

I DON'T EVEN KNOWIF THAT'S A REAL EMOTION.

I MEAN, I GUESSIT'S KIND OF LIKE SAYING,

"HEY, I'M UNHAPPY BUTYOU GET IT, RIGHT?"

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS,WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU.

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