How to Time Travel

How the Sausage Is Made Season 2, Ep 12 06/27/2016 Views: 2,828

In order to time travel, a guy follows a complicated and seemingly arbitrary set of guidelines. (2:04)

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- "If you've found this letter, consider yourself very lucky."

- Hmm.- "After years of testing,

"I finally figured out how to send

a carbon life force back in time."

- Interesting.- "Read carefully,

"and prepare ahead of time.

"Get all the props and items listed here

before you attempt."- Okay.

- "You will need a portable rolling chalkboard,

1-inch piece of red chalk..."- Got it.

- "A six-pack of ginger ale..."- Check.

- "A knife..."- Got it.

- "And one retired magician's white rabbit."

- Got it. - "Now, onto the list.

"One: the calendar must read

November 22nd."- Mm-hmm.

- "It must be 4:30 A.M. or P.M."

- Check. - "The sky must be littered

with cumulus nimbus clouds."

- Yep. - "There mustn't be

"any goldfish within a mile radius of your location.

"One crisp $2 bill

must be in your wallet."- Check.

- "Your license must be expired."

- Check. - "Your right thumb

must be painted red..."

- Hmm. Hmm. - "The left, black.

"Also, you must have thumbs.

"An annoying car alarm must be going off

somewhere in the vicinity."- Check.

- "A poster of the original 'Tron'

"must be taped to the wall facing you.

"Brush your teeth with a boar head's bristle.

"One Smurf figurine must be in your pocket.

Any Smurf will do. I used Brainy."

- Got it.- "Batteries should be removed

"from all smoke alarms.

"A copy of 'Time' magazine

should be in the room anywhere."

- Check. - "Eat a banana and its peel.

"Take a piss. Turn on an oscillating fan.

"Turn off an oscillating fan.

"Take any or all eyeglasses,

"place them in a pink scarf, and smash them.

Say the name 'Gilda Radner' backwards."

- Rendar Adlig.

- "Drink half the six-pack of ginger ale.

Sing the song 'Back in Time' by Huey Lewis but in French."

- ♪ Remonter dans le temps

- "Do one push-up.

"Call someone you know, burp,

"then hang up and disconnect your phone immediately.

"Say, 'Picasso was a Spaniard!'

but with an Australian accent."

- [Australian accent]Picasso was a Spaniard.

- "Laugh maniacally for three seconds exactly."

- [laughs maniacally]

- "Now take the red piece of chalk

"and write on the chalkboard

"the month, day, and year that you were born.

"Below that date, write today's date.

"Below that date, write the day, month, and year

"that you'd like to travel back to.

"You should not write any year

"before you were born or the time travel will not work.

"You can only travel back in time

"to the years that you've already experienced.

"Take the Ambien. Insert it up your ass.

"Pick up the rabbit by the ears.

"Pick up the knife. Slice the rabbit's neck.

"Pocket the list and close your eyes.

"Smile, you're about to travel back in time

"to the date you wrote on the chalkboard.

Warning: you will not be able to get back."

- What?

[phone ringing]