Bobby Slayton - Errands

Bobby Slayton & Margaret Cho Season 1, Ep 0149 02/24/1992 Views: 2,442

If a husband gets sent to buy tampons, he better come back with the right size. (2:32)

I HAVE NO PATIENCE FOR THIS.

I HAVE NO PATIENCE FOR SEX.

THAT'S THE OTHER THING.

WOMEN WANT TO MAKE LOVE.

GUYS WANT TO HAVE SEX.

IT'S LIKE ANYTHING.

YOU EVER SEND A GUYTO THE SUPERMARKET?

GIRLS, IF YOU SENDA GUY TO THE MARKET

YOU HAVE TO MAKE A LIST.

IF YOU DON'T MAKE A LIST

A MAN CANNOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLEFOR WHAT HE BUYS.

A GUY WILL SPEND $1,000IN THE GROCERY STORE

AND THERE WILL BENOTHING THERE TO EAT.

SO I TOLD MY WIFE,"MAKE ME A LIST.

I DON'T WANT YOURLITTLE COUPON ENVELOPE."

SHE TRIES TO GIVE ME COUPONS.

"YOU WANT TO SAVE TWO CENTSHERE, THREE CENTS THERE?

"KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.

OOH, YOU SAVED A DOLLAR,WE'LL HAVE A PARTY."

I'LL TELL YOU A TRUE STORY.

I DON'T KNOW IF WE'RE ABLETO DO THIS ON TELEVISION.

I GO TO THE GROCERY STORE.

MY WIFE GIVES ME A LISTAND I'M GETTING THIS STUFF.

SHE'S GOT TAMPONS ON THE LIST.

I GET TOTHE FEMININE HYGIENE AISLE

WHERE THEY HAVE, LIKE, THESUMMER'S EVE AND THE MASSENGILL

AND OF COURSETHERE'S ALWAYS A PICTURE

OF A WOMAN RUNNING THROUGH MIST.

THEY'RE ALWAYSRUNNING THROUGH MIST.

EVEN FEMALE DEODORANTS HAVETHOSE CUTE LITTLE GIRLY NAMES.

"IT'S SECRET."

"IT TICKLES."

MEN'S PRODUCTS TELL YOUWHERE IT'S AT.

"GIVE ME SOME CRUEX.

"GIVE ME SOME JOCK ITCH.

I'LL HAVE SOME LICE-AWAY,I'M A MAN."

WOMEN ARE MIST AND BIRDS.

"IT'S A SECRET."

SO I TAKE THE TAMPONS.

I GLANCE DOWN AT THE BOXAND I SEE THERE'S A SIZE ON IT.

GETTING BACK TO SIZE.

I HAD NO IDEA THESE THINGSCOME IN DIFFERENT SIZES.

MOST GUYS DON'T EVENWANT TO ADMIT

THESE LITTLE SUCKERS EXIST.

YOU SEE ONE BY MISTAKEIN THE BATHROOM

YOU TRY TO HYPNOTIZE YOURSELF.

"I'M HERE TO PEE, I SAW NOTHING.

I'M HERE TO BLOW MY NOSE,I SAW NOTHING."

SO I GO BACKTO THE TAMPON AISLE.

AND IT'S NOT LIKEA GUY CAN GUESS.

BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE

THEY COME IN NORMALHUMAN BEING EARTH SIZES

LIKE SMALL, MEDIUM OR LARGEWHERE A GUY CAN GO

"THAT'S MY GAL."

( laughter )

THEY COME IN THESEGOOFY GIRLY SIZES

ONLY YOU LADIES CAN FIGURE OUT.

REGULAR, SLIM, SUPER SLIM,EXTRA CRISPY, NEW AND IMPROVED.

AND GOD FORBID, BOYS

YOU COME HOME WITHTHE WRONG SIZE TAMPON

BECAUSE THAT'S A REAL SHORT FUSEHANGING OUT OF THEM, FELLAS.

( laughter )

WHY ARE YOU SHAKING YOUR HEAD?

WHAT, YOU'RE AN ANGEL WHENYOU'RE ON THE RAG-- YEAH, OKAY.

I KNEW THERE WOULD BE TENSIONIN THE ROOM BUT IT'S OKAY.

THEY'LL SWEETEN IT INPOSTPRODUCTION, I DON'T CARE.