Carlos Mencia - Women Are Gross, Too

Carlos Mencia: No Strings Attached Season 1, Ep 0101 03/11/2006 Views: 20,593

Carlos Mencia is sick and tired of the lies that women perpetrate. (3:18)

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BUT I'LL ALSO GET OTHER EMAILS FROM KIDS

THAT UNDERSTANDWHAT I'M SAYING,

FROM PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES THAT GET IT AND GO,

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME NOT INVISIBLE.

BUT SEE, EVERYBODY ELSE,WE'RE SO SCARED.

WHAT ARE PEOPLE GONNA SAY?

I HAVE TO BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. I HAVE TO.

NO, YOU DON'T. WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS BE HONEST WITH WHO YOU ARE.

FIND THAT THING INSIDE OF YOU THAT IS YOU AND BE THAT.

DON'T LIE AND DON'T PERPETRATE.

I AM SICK AND TIREDOF UGLY BITCHES WEARINGSHIRTS THAT SAY "CUTIE."

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

I WILL WALK RIGHT UP TO YOU,

GIVE ME THAT, THAT IS FALSE ADVERTISING.

YOU CAN'T BE A CUTIEWHEN YOUR FACE IS ALL CHUNCKLA.

IT SHOULD SAY "PTERODACTYL." [GROWLING]

WHY ARE YOU WOMEN ALWAYS TRYING TO CHANGE A MAN?

"WHY DON'T YOU PLUCK YOUR EYEBROWS?"

"'CAUSE I DON'T SUCK [BLEEP]!" YOU CAN'T EVEN PICK YOUR NOSE.

"WHY ARE YOU PICKING YOUR NOSE?""'CAUSE I GOT BOGGERS.

YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?" "WHERE ARE YOU GONNA PUT 'EM?"

"ON THE SIDE OF THE SEAT WHERE I PUT ALL THE OTHER ONES.

"IT'S LIKE A GAME. THEY GET CRUNCHY

THEN YOU FLICK 'EM OFF.IT'S PERFECT."

YES. EVERY MAN IN THIS ROOM FARTS.

EVERY MAN IN THIS ROOM HAS BEEN IN A FART CONTEST.

EVERY SINGLE MAN IN THIS ROOMHAS CRAPPED HIS PANTS.

THERE IS NOT A MAN IN HERE THAT HAS NOT DONE THAT.

SOMETIMES WE DON'T EVEN KNOWWHEN IT HAPPENS.

SOMETIMES WE TAKE OFF OUR UNDERWEAR AND GO,

"OH, MY GOD, WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?"

THAT WHERE THE TERM "HOLY [BLEEP]" COMES FROM. "I DID NOT DO THAT."

BUT SEE, I ADMIT WHAT I DO. SEE YOU WOMEN, "MEN ARE GROSS."

"NO, WE'RE NOT. YOU THINK WE'RE GROSS.WE'RE NOT GROSS."

"YEAH, YOU ARE."IT'S JUST THAT WHAT YOU DO

THAT IS GROSS TO US, YOU DON'T THINK IS GROSS.

SO LET MEENLIGHTEN YOU, LADIES,

ON ONE OF THE GROSS THINGSTHAT YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER DO.

I DON'T CARE HOW LONGYOU'VE BEEN WITH A MAN.

I DON'T CARE IF YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 80 YEARS.

IT IS NEVER OKAY TO USETHE TOILET WITH THE DOOR OPEN.

IT IS NEVER EVER OKAY. YOU SHUT THE DOOR.

I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING IN THERE.

I DON'T EVER WANT TO KNOW THAT ANYTHING COMES OUT OF THERE,

EVER. "WELL, HOW COME?" 'CAUSE SOMETIMES I EAT AT THAT RESTAURANT, BITCH.

CLOSE THE DOOR!

I AM NOT LIKE SOME OF YOU GUYS,

METROSEXUAL,PLUCKING YOUR EYEBROWS.

GET YOUR [BLEEP] ASSOUTTA MY FACE!

I AM A MAN, AND I DO NOTEXCUSE MYSELF FOR IT.

WHEN I SWEAT, MY NUTS GET STICKY.

AND WHEN THEY DO,YOU GOT TO GET IN THEREAND MIX IT UP!

AND THEN YOU SMELL IT, BITCH! THAT'S A REAL MAN!

AND YOU ARE THE BEST CROWD EVER!