John Oliver - Defined by Google

Ron Funches, Mark Forward, Dan Soder Season 4, Ep 6 08/30/2013 Views: 6,011

John Oliver types his own name into Google and has to deal with the consequences of that action. (2:22)

has destroyedcuriosity forever.

Because we used to be ableto enjoy the concept of wonder

for longer than a second.

It used to be that the only waywe could find out

what anyone thoughtabout us

was if we ask them,or guessed.

Those days are finishedforever now,

because you can justtype your own name into Google

and deal with the consequencesof that decision.

Before I came out here tonightI thought,

Let's try a littleexperiment.

So I wrote into Google,"John Oliver is,"

and then let it auto-correctthe most popular responses.

That was a huge[BLEEP] mistake.

Because I cannot "un-see"what I saw in that moment.

These were the topthree most popular results

on Googlewhen you write that in.

Result number one:

"John Oliveris not funny."

Number one!

Result number one!

This is my [BLEEP] job!

If I'm not funny,this is pointless.

It's just me spewing off

a series of factuallyinaccurate statements,

and then pausingfor silence.

Result number twowas this:

"John Oliver is Jewish."

Now...

Here's the thingabout that.

I'm not actually Jewish.

I just like the look.

But that's not the point.

That's not the point,is it?

I love what they've donewith their facial features,

and I've tried to emulate thatas much as I can since puberty.

And it's gone very well.

It's objectivelygone very well.

I don't want to arguewith how well it's gone,

because it's gone great.

And finally,result number three--

I swear to youthis is true.

--was this:"John Oliver is a Smurf."

A Smurf. A Smurf.

That's the third most popularresult on the Internet

of my time on this earth.

That is the legacymy lifetime will leave history.

That's what my gravestonewill read.

"John Oliver: not funny, maybeJewish, definitely a Smurf."

That's my life!