- I CAME TO SAY HIAND GET HIGH.

- [laughs]

- THIS IS MY FRIEND SARAH.

WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS SINCEWE STARTED OUT TOGETHER.

SHE'S ONE OF THE FUNNIEST PEOPLEI KNOW,

AND I JUST REALLY WANTED HERTO BE ON MY SHOW.

SARAH WAS IN SOMETHING ABOUT MARY.

SHE PLAYED THE [bleep]IN CAMERON DIAZ'S HAIR.

- JEFF, YOU KNOW I'VE HADA PROBLEM WITH DEPRESSION.

IT STARTED WHEN YOUWALKED IN THE DOOR.

IS THIS THE FIRST TIME YOU'VEBEEN IN A WOMAN'S APARTMENT

WHERE YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DISABLETHE ALARM SYSTEM?

- THE BONGO I GAVE YOUFOR YOUR BIRTHDAY.

- YEAH. IT'S RIPPED,JUST LIKE NO [bleep]

YOU'VE EVER--YOUR TINY PENISHAS EVER BEEN IN.

AH, I LOVE THAT YOU DRESSEDAS JOE PATERNO AT THE ROAST.

IT MAKES SENSE BECAUSEYOUR JOKES ARE 86 YEARS OLD,

SO IT WAS LIKE...

WHO ARE YOU ROASTING NEXT?- I DON'T KNOW YET.

- HOW 'BOUT THAT ZITON YOUR NECK?

- HELLO.

- YOU'RE SUPPOSEDTO ROAST ICONS,

AND THAT ZIT ON YOUR NECKIS AN ICON,

BECAUSE "ICON'T" BELIEVETHAT I HAVE TO LOOK AT IT!

- "ICON'T" BELIEVE YOU JUST DIDTHAT BAD JOKE.

- OH, JEFF, UM, THERE'SSOMETHING YOU'D LOVE IN HERE.

UM, HAVE YOU HEARD OF THIS?IT'S SOAP.

- HOW MANY BABIESHAVE YOU FLUSHED DOWN THERE?

- UM...WHAT'S TODAY?[laughter]

- DUCK IS A BOMB-SNIFFING DOG.

YOU SHOULD SHOW HIMYOUR ACT.

[laughter]

HOW OLD IS HE?- 18.

- I WISH I COULD BE THERETO CONSOLE YOU WHEN HE DIES,

BUT I'M BUSY TOMORROW.

THANKS, SARAH.

YOU JUST KISSED MY ZIT.

- [imitates retching]