Bonnie McFarlane - Feminists

  • Season 12 , Ep 10
  • 02/07/2008
  • Views: 692

There's no such thing as a feminist. (2:38)

I DON'T KNOW ANY OTHER LANGUA--

WELL, I DON'T WANT TO BRAG,BUT I DO SPEAK PIG LATIN.

I MEAN, I'M NOT FLUENT,BUT I'M SUREIF I EVER WENT THERE

- I COULD GET BY.- [LAUGHTER]

MAYBE I'LL BRING THAT ONE BACK,YOU GUYS SEEM TO LIKE THAT.

IN CANADA,WE HAD A TELEVISION SHOW

THE CANADIAN VERSION OFYOUR CLASSIC TV SHOW COPS.

WHAT YOU GONNA DO, EH?AND, AH...

- [LAUGHTER]- [Chuckling]

THAT WASN'T AS EXCITINGAS THE AMERICAN VERSION.

IT WAS MOSTLY LIKE A COP GOING,"EH, PICK THAT UP.

SOMEBODY'S GONNATRIP OVER THAT AND REALLYHURT THEMSELVES, EH."

THERE WAS MORE TO THAT JOKE.THERE WAS MIME AND JUGGLING.

AND I DON'T KNOWHOW IT ALL CAME TOGETHER.

BUT IT'S A REAL CROWD-PLEASER.

IT'S HARD TO REMEMBERTHIS STUFF, YOU KNOW,

I HAVEN'T DONE THESE JOKESSINCE I FIRST STARTED DOINGSTANDUP LIKE TWO WEEKS AGO.

- AND...- [LAUGHTER]

I SAW THE HEAD OF "NOW",NATIONAL ORGANIZATION OF WOMEN,

SAYING THAT WOMENSTILL ONLY MAKE 70 CENTS

ON THE DOLLAR TO EVERY MAN.

WHICH I'M NOT SURE I'M GONNABELIEVE THAT, YOU KNOW.

WOMEN ARE NOTORIOUSLYBAD AT MATH.

- SO...- [LAUGHTER]

I DON'T KNOW IFI'M GONNA BELIEVE HERCALCULATIONS, RIGHT?

WAIT 'TIL A MAN FIGURES IT OUT,AND THEN--

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

IS THERE ANYFEMINISTS IN THE AUDIENCE?DO WE HAVE ANY FEMINISTS?

[SCATTERED CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

OKAY, AT THE TIMETHERE NEVER, EVER WAS.SO-- [Chuckles]

AND THAT KIND OF [BLEEP] ME UPA LITTLE. ALL RIGHT.

I WOULD SAY, "ARE THERE ANYFEMINIST IN THE AUDIENCE?"

AND NO ONE WOULDEVER SAY ANYTHING.AND THEN I'D GO,

"NO, NOT WHEN THERE'SDINNER AND DRINKS TO BE HAD."

WHICH WAS FUNNY WHEN YOU'RE INA PLACE WHERE THERE'S ACTUALLY

DINNER AND DRINKS TO BE HAD.

SO I WAS KIND OFOBSESSED WITH FEMINISTS.

YOU KNOW, BUT THIS WAS,OF COURSE, TEN YEARS AGO,

NOW WE ALL KNOW THAT THERE'SNO SUCH THING AS A FEMINIST,

JUST WOMEN WHO PAY FORTHEIR OWN BREAST IMPLANTS.

THAT'S THE CLOSEST WE GETAT THIS POINT.

I JUST READ, UM-- [Chuckles]

I JUST THISIN A FASHION MAGAZINE--

"BOOBS ARE BACK."

JUST WHEN I THREW MINE OUT.OH. ISN'T THAT ALWAYS THE WAY?

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I ALWAYS-- OKAY,THIS IS MY BIG CLOSER.SO GET READY.

[LAUGHTER]

I USED TO ALWAYS WEAR MY HAIRLIKE THIS,

BUT MY ARM WOULD GET SO TIRED.

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