her dog starts talking to her.
Just starts chatting her up.
The dog's like, "I don't like itwhen you smoke pot."
"You're differentwhen you smoke pot."
"Uh, yeah, I can talk to dogs.
"That'd be the first difference
"that leaps to mind,you stupid, talking dog.
"You're the dumbest talking dogI ever talked to.
"Why don't you ask for more foodor to be let outside
"instead of whiningabout the very thing
that enabled us to communicatein the first place."
Who wouldn't want to be ableto talk to animals?
Here's where it would reallyhave come in handy.
Remember when that guytook a slingshot
to the San Francisco Zooand it ended tragically?
You know, things would'vebeen different if that tiger
was able to look up at himand go, "Hey, man,
"if you don't knock it off,I'm going to jump over this
"400-foot embankment.It doesn't look
"like I can make it, but I can.
"I've been practicingwhen nobody's watching.
"I'm going to jump over thisthing and maul you to death
and hurt two of your friends."
They got, would've been like,"Hey, thanks
"for the heads up, Tiger.
"It's a good think I smokedthat extra smokity-smoke
"before leaving the house today,
"so we have the miraculousability to communicate.
"And I'd like to thank you,Tiger, for not going on
"and on about how awesomeFrosted Flakes are,
"sticking to the moreimportant issue--
my impending doom."
I'm trying to come upwith a new orgasm noise
to make the next timeI have an orgasm
when someone else is present.
Here's my, uh...
Here's my new orgasm I can'twait to try out on somebody.
I've been practicing it alonea lot.
And it goes like this.
That's pretty sexy right?
What woman wouldn'tbe proud of herself
pulling that reactionout of her man,
you know, in a long-termrelationship?
She'd be like,"Damn, my (bleep) is tight, yo."
"I got it goin' on!"
Oh, oh, oh-- hang on.I'm getting a phone call.
I let it go to voice mail.
You don't haveto worry about it.
I just wanted to see who it was.
My uncle, his message says,"I can't answer my phone
"right now,'cause I'm either hosting
"Live at Gotham,or I'm having sex.
"So I will call you backin 60 minutes
or 22 seconds."