Brendon Walsh - Faking It

  • Season 2 , Ep 5
  • 04/21/2011
  • Views: 9,978

Wear a fake moustache to your next job interview. There are no jobs out there anyway, so you might as well have some fun. (2:03)

ARE WEARING FAKE MUSTACHESTONIGHT?

(scattered applause)NO, YOU'RE NOT.

I WISH THAT WAS TRUE,THOUGH.

IT'S SO FUN TO WEARFAKE MUSTACHES.

ME AND A BUDDY OF MINE,MY FRIEND KEVIN--

I USED TO LIVE DOWNIN AUSTIN, TEXAS,

AND WE'D WEAR FAKE MUSTACHESALL THE TIME, JUST GO HANG OUT.

IT PISSES PEOPLE OFF WHEN THEYSEE YOU WEARING A FAKE MUSTACHE.

THEY JUST DON'T LIKE SEEINGPEOPLE HAVE FUN.

LIKE, WE'D GO OUTAND PUT ON OUR FAKE MUSTACHES

AND OUR SUITS, WE'D APPLYFOR JOBS AND STUFF.

GIVE IT A SHOT,IF YOU'RE UNEMPLOYED,

WEAR A FAKE MUSTACHETO YOUR NEXT JOB INTERVIEW.

THERE'S NO JOBS OUT THEREANYWAY, SO HAVE SOME FUN.

(laughter)

THIS IS TOTALLYA TRUE STORY.

I DID THIS, TOO,WHEN I WAS DOWN IN AUSTIN.

WE WOULD TAKE FAKE NEWSPAPER ADSOUT IN THE PAPER,

AND THIS IS TOTALLYA TRUE STORY,

I TOOK AN AD OUT IN THE"PETS FOR ADOPTION" SECTION

OF THE PAPER AND THE AD READ,"FREE BEAGLE PUPPY.

"WILL BE PUT TO SLEEPIF NOT ADOPTED SOON.

(audience groans)CALL THIS NUMBER," RIGHT?

AND THEN YOU CALL THE NUMBER,AND THE VOICEMAIL YOU GET IS,

"HEY, THIS IS RON,IF YOU'RE CALLING

ABOUT THE PUPPY,I ALL READY KILLED IT.

ANYBODY ELSE LEAVE A MESSAGE."BEEP!

(laughter)

IT'S A FUNNY IDEA.IT'S GOOD ON PAPER.

I THOUGHT I WOULD GET, LIKE,

ALL THESE GREAT ANGRY VOICEMAILMESSAGES OF PEOPLE

LOOSING THEIR GODDAMN MINDS,AND I'D LISTEN TO THEM AND LAUGH

'CAUSE I'M A BAD,HORRIBLE PERSON,

BUT NOBODY LEFT A MESSAGE.

LIKE,25 PEOPLE A DAY WOULD CALL,

AND THEY WOULD JUST HANG UP,LIKE, THEY WERE DEVASTATED.

THEY ALL MADE THE SAME NOISE.THEY'RE LIKE,

(shuddering breath)LIKE, SAD.

MADE A WHOLE TOWN SADFOR MY OWN AMUSEMENT.

(giggles)THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

THAT'S NOT HOW COMEDY WORKS.IT'S WRONG.

THAT'S LIKE--YOU GUYS,EVERYBODY HEARD BY NOW

THAT GENE HACKMAN DIED TODAY,RIGHT?

I JUST MADE THAT UP, TOO.

(laughter)I LIKE SEEING PEOPLE GET SAD!

YOU GOT SAD AS (bleep) TOO!

YOU DIDN'T REALIZEHOW MUCH YOU LOVE GENE HACKMAN

UNTIL I JUST TOLD YOUTHAT HE DIED.

I WANT YOU ALL TO GO HOMETONIGHT AND WRITE A LETTER

TO GENE HACKMAN,TELL HIM HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM.

I JUST GAVE YOU A SECOND CHANCE.YOU'RE A HERO.

(applause)

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