Gregg Rogell - Quitting Smoking

  • Season 7 , Ep 24
  • 07/31/2003
  • Views: 12,289

Gregg Rogell quit smoking because he wanted to live, and now he doesn't want to live anymore. (2:42)

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

[APPLAUSE]

QUIT SMOKING 'CAUSE I WANNA

LIVE.

AND NOW THAT I'M NOT SMOKING,

I DON'T WANNA LIVE ANYMORE.

[LAUGHTER]

I DON'T FEEL HEALTHIER BEING

A NON-SMOKER.

MY CLOTHES DON'T SMELL LIKE

CIGARETTE SMOKE, THAT'S A BIG

PLUS.

THEY SMELL A LOT LIKE SCOTCH

AND MARIJUANA.

[LAUGHTER]

AND I'M EXERCISING NOW.

YEAH.

I LOVE ALL SPORTS, TOO.

GOLF'S NOT REALLY A SPORT,

THOUGH.

GOLF'S THE ONLY SPORT THAT COMES

WITH A SLAVE.

[LAUGHTER]

"HEY, TAKE THAT TO THE NEXT

HOLE."

[LAUGHTER]

THEY GOTTA STOP COMPARING

TIGER WOODS TO REAL ATHLETES,

TOO, 'CAUSE HE'S NOT AN ATHLETE.

HE'S COMPETING AGAINST

THE ELDERLY FOR GOD SAKES.

[LAUGHTER

NONE OF THOSE GUYS ARE ATHLETES.

HOW COME THE CROWD HAS TO BE

QUIET IN GOLF.

THE GUY HAS TO CONCENTRATE?

THE BALL'S JUST SITTING THERE.

BASEBALL, THEY HURL THE BALL

AT YOU AT 100 MILES AN HOUR.

THE BATTER CAN GET KILLED.

THE CROWD CAN SAY WHATEVER

THE HELL THEY WANT.

ONCE, I'D LIKE TO SEE THE BATTER

TURN AROUND.

"HEY, YOU PEOPLE MIND SHUTTIN'

THE (BLEEP) UP, PLEASE?

HE'S HURLING A BALL AT ME

AT 100 MILES AN HOUR."

[LAUGHTER AND CHEERING]

[WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

"THIS ISN'T GOLF."

[LAUGHTER]

GOLF.

I DON'T THINK SHAQUILLE O'NEAL'S

A REAL ATHLETE EITHER, THOUGH,

YOU KNOW.

THE GUY'S NOT ATHLETIC.

HE'S JUST 8 FEET TALL,

750 POUNDS.

CAN'T EVEN FREE THROW SHOOT.

HE COULD DUNK, BUT HE COULDN'T

WIN A STUFFED ANIMAL AT A

CARNIVAL TO SAVE HIS LIFE.

[LAUGHTER]

THEY COULD WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP,

BUT HE'S A BIG LOSER

AT THE SAN GENARO FESTIVAL,

I'LL TELL YOU THAT MUCH.

[LAUGHTER]

I CAN'T DUNK, BUT AT LEAST

I HAVE AN EXCUSE.

I'M A JEW.

JEWS DON'T DUNK.

IT'S IN THE BIBLE.

YOU TAKE TEN JEWS AT RANDOM,

PUT 'EM ON A BASKETBALL COURT.

YOU HAVE A REAL ESTATE SEMINAR.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WE'RE NOT ATHLETIC PEOPLE.

THAT'S WHY IT TOOK US SO LONG

TO GET THROUGH THAT DESERT

IN THE FIRST PLACE.

[LAUGHTER]

40 YEARS, WE'RE NOT

SPEED DEMONS.

WE JUST KEPT STOPPING

AND BITCHING THE WHOLE TIME

PROBABLY.

[LAUGHTER]

"IT'S SO HOT, MOSES.

JESUS."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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