Barry Rothbart - Dolphin Sex

  • Season 1 , Ep 1
  • 10/24/2013
  • Views: 3,175

Barry Rothbart has learned some facts about dolphins that are very important for the general public to know. (2:01)

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I WATCH PEOPLE.I LOVE WATCHING PEOPLE.

I WAS AT A RESTAURANT,AND THIS WOMAN--

I LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE SPEAKWITH THEIR HANDS TOO MUCH,

AND THIS WOMAN WAS NEXT TO MEAT A RESTAURANT,

AND SHE'S ORDERINGFROM THE WAITER, AND SHE GOES,

"I'LL HAVETHE TILAPIA PLATE...

WITH EXTRA FISH SAUCE."

SHE DOES THIS WITH HER HANDS."EXTRA FISH SAUCE?"

AND THE WAITER'S LIKE,"WHAT?"

SHE'S LIKE, "FISH SAUCE!

FISH SAUCE!"

WHICH TAUGHT ME TWO THINGS.

NUMBER ONE,I HATE THAT WOMAN.

AND NUMBER TWO,HOW MUCH FUN IT IS

TO ORDER THINGSAND NOT HAVE

YOUR HAND MOTIONS MATCHWHAT YOU'RE ORDERING.

IT'S LIKE, "YEAH, I'LL HAVETHE, UH, TURKEY CLUB,

"UH, WITH SOME LETTUCE

"AND SOME MAYO.

"SOME MAYONNAISE.

"SOME MAYO?

"SOME MAYO!

"MAYONNAISE!

ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?SCREW YOU."

SOMETIMES I GET HIGH,AND I LOOK UP WEIRD FACTS.

HERE'S SOMETHING I LEARNEDTHAT YOU GUYS SHOULD KNOW.

I FOUND OUT THAT DOLPHINSHAVE SEX FOR PLEASURE.

I WAS LIKE,THAT'S AMAZING.

I GOTTA FIND OUT MORE.

THEN I FOUND OUT THAT,APPARENTLY,

DOLPHINS RAPE EACH OTHER.

YES!

IT'S A BIG PROBLEMIN THE DOLPHIN COMMUNITY.

THEN I FOUND OUT MORE.

I FOUND OUTTHE MOST AMAZING FACT,

THAT, APPARENTLY,EVERY YEAR IN THIS COUNTRY,

14 HUMANS REPORT BEING RAPEDBY A DOLPHIN.

WHAT?

14 HUMANS REPORT BEING RAPEDBY A DOLPHIN.

THAT'S AMAZING.

NOT BECAUSE DOLPHINSARE RAPING PEOPLE--

BECAUSE THAT MEANS 14 PEOPLETHOUGHT THE COPS

COULD DO SOMETHINGABOUT THAT.

14 PEOPLE, LIKE,WALKING INTO A PRECINCT,

LIKE, "UGH."

[exhales]

JUST WET,COVERED IN SEAWEED.

JUST LIKE, "UGH."

YOU HAVE DAYS,AND THEN YOU HAVE DAYS,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

"WELL, I WAS RAPEDBY A DOLPHIN."

AND THE COPS ARE LIKE,"OH, RAPED BY A DOLPHIN.

"LET ME SHOW YOUMY DOLPHIN MUG SHOTS.

"WHICH ONE?

"OH, TWO-FIN TONY?YEAH.

"HE KINDA DOES THAT.

I SHOULDN'T BE LAUGHING.YOU LOOK FRIGHTENED."

ALL RIGHT, GUYS,THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

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