Al Jackson - Black History Month Report

  • Season 3 , Ep 3
  • 08/03/2012
  • Views: 6,687

Al Jackson respects one student's ability to not give a sh*t. (2:46)

I TAUGHT MIDDLE SCHOOLFOR FIVE YEARS, MAN.

I'M GONNA TELL YOU GUYS,

I DON'T KNOW IFWE GOT PARENTS OUT THERE.

IF YOU GUYS HAVE YOUNG--

'CAUSE I TAUGHTMIDDLE SCHOOL SCIENCE

AND IF YOU GUYS HAVE YOUNGKIDS AT MIDDLE SCHOOL,

AND LIKE IF YOU HAVEYOUNG TEACHER--I'M 34 NOW

WHEN I WAS TEACHING WASIN MY '20s,

IF YOU GOT A YOUNG TEACHER,

YOU NEED TO SLIPTHEM AN EXTRA $50

AT CHRISTMAS BECAUSE WE--YES.

BECAUSE WE ARETHE LAST LINE OF DEFENSE

BETWEEN YOUR BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER

AND HER PUNK ASSBOYFRIEND AND HIS LIES.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

BECAUSE MY STUDENTS,THEY'RE COMING TO ME LIKE,

"MR. JACKSON, MY BOYFRIENDSAID I CAN'T GET PREGNANT

WITH MY EYES CLOSED,"I'M LIKE, "THAT'S A LIE".

(laughter)

MY WIFE FELL FOR THAT.THAT'S A LIE.

BUT I DID USED TO BE ABLE TO DOCOOL STUFF WITH MY KIDS,

OBVIOUSLY, YOU KNOW,BLACK HISTORY MONTH.

I HAVE MY KIDS TO REPORTON A FAMOUS BLACK SCIENTIST,

AND WHEN YOU SAYTHAT IN THE HOOD

YOU GET 35 HANDS LIKE,"CAN WE DO DR. DRE?"

IT'S LIKE, "NO,HE'S NOT A SCIENTIST."

BUT I MEAN, YA'LL GOT BROTHERSAND SISTERS AT HOME, YOU KNOW,

THEY'RE LITTLE PEOPLEJUST LIKE US,

YOU GOT OVER ACHIEVERS,UNDER ACHIEVERS

AND I TAUGHT IN MIAMI,

SO I HAD MOSTLY BLACKAND LATIN KIDS,

BUT I HAD THREE WHITE KIDS,AND I HAD ONE WHITE DUDE,

HE WAS LIKE A SMART KID.

HE COULD'VE GOT "A"s,BUT HE GOT "D"s AND "F"s

BECAUSE HE DIDN'TGIVE A (bleep)

TO THE POINT WHERE YOU ASAN A ADULT HAD TO RESPECT IT

LIKE, "YOU DON'T GIVE A (bleep),OKAY. ALL RIGHT."

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

BUT FOR BLACK HISTORY MONTH,THIS IS NOT A JOKE,

HE WENT ALL OUT,DID HIS REPORT,

HE COMES TO ME,AND HE'S LIKE, "MR. JACKSON,

I'M GONNA READY MY REPORTIN FRONT OF THE CLASS."

AND I'M A TEACHER,I AIN'T GOT NOTHING TO TEACH,

I'M LIKE, "DO THAT."

KILL FIVE MINUTES,YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

AND THIS KID GETSIN FRONT OF MY CLASS AND SAYS,

AND SAYS, MY HANDON MY GRANDMOTHER'S LIFE,

GOD REST HER SOUL.

THE FIRST WORDS OUTOF THIS KID'S MOUTH--

THIS IS IN FRONT OF MY CLASSIN FRONT OF YA'LL, HE GOES,

"MY REPORT ISON THE WRIGHT BROTHERS",

(laughter)

AND I'M, LIKE, WHEN YOU'REEXPECTING A JOKE TO COME,

AND SOMEBODY'STRYING TO BE FUNNY,

NO JOKE CAME.HE READ IT FRONT TO BACK.

IT WAS FACTUAL.IT WAS WELL WRITTEN.

HE WALKED TO HIS DESK, YOU KNOW,PUT IT ON MY DESK,

WALKED TO HIS DESK,

I KNOW YOU THINK I'M A COMEDIAN,

I SAY FUNNY (bleep).

I DIDN'T SAY A THING".

I WAS LIKE, "THINK ABOUTTHE BALLS ON THIS KID."

HE WALKED INTOA BLACK MAN'S CLASSROOM.

DURINGBLACK HISTORY MONTH,

AND DID A REPORTON TWO WHITE DUDES

AND JUST THREW IT ON MY DESK,LIKE, NAILED IT

AND WALKED AWAY.

(laughter, cheer and applause)

WHICH IS SOME GANGSTA (bleep),DUDE.

AND I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHINGTHE WHOLE CLASS,

AND I'M DRIVING HOME,

AND I'M LIKE, IS HETRYING TO BE FUNNY?

WAS HE TRYING TO START--LIKE,YO,

HE JUST SAW THE WORD"BROTHERS" AND DID TWO PAGES.

(laughter)

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