JJ Williamson - Parking Space

Season 1 , Ep 2 07/11/10 Views: 4,392

To make sure his wife doesn't get pregnant again, JJ Williamson takes his vasectomy to a whole other level. (3:46)

HURRY UP.

I APPRECIATE THIS, 'CAUSETIMES ARE TIGHT RIGHT NOW.

JUST TRYING TO MAKE MEA LITTLE CHANGE.

I TRIED TO USEMY ATM CARD TODAY.

MY [bleep] BENT DOWN WHEN ITRIED TO PUT IT IN THE SLOT.

[laughter]

MY CARD WAS TALKINGTO ME TOO, MAN.

"DON'T PUT ME IN THERE.DON'T EMBARRASS US LIKE THAT."

I ENTERED MY PIN. IT CAMEON THE SCREEN, "JUST GO HOME."

[laughter]

IT IS TIGHT RIGHT NOW.IT IS ROUGH.

I GOT TWO KIDS, AND MEAND MY WIFE ARE THROUGH.

TOLD MY WIFETO GET ON THE PILL,

GET HER TUBES TIED,EARS BURNT, TWISTED.

WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO.I WANTED TO MAKE SURE.

I TOLD THE DOCTOR, I SAY,"DOC, GIVE ME A VASECTOMY.

"MATTER OF FACT, TAKE ITTO A WHOLE 'NOTHER LEVEL.

TAKE MY WHOLE SAC OFF."

[laughter]

ALL I WANT TO SEE IS [bleep],SPACE, BOOTY-HOLE.

[laughter]

I WANT IT TO LOOK LIKE A PARKINGSPACE DOWN THERE, DAMN IT.

[laughter]

WE ARE DONE.

TWO KIDSAND A GRANDDAUGHTER.

YES, I'M A GRANDFATHERALREADY.

AIN'T THAT A BITCH?

YEAH, MY FIRST TIMEI CALLED MY DAUGHTER HER NAME,

SHE TOLD ME SHE WERE PREGNANT,I LIKE, "YOU LITTLE BITCH.

"YOU MADE MEA DAMN GRANDFATHER.

NOW I GOT TO BUILD A PORCHJUST TO PLAY THE PART."

[laughter]

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

I USED TO ALWAYSPRAY AND HOPE

THAT MY DAUGHTER MAKE ITOUT OF HIGH SCHOOL

BEFORE SHE GOT PREGNANT,SO SHE DID DO THAT.

SO, YOU KNOW,THAT'S A POSITIVE.

THAT IS A POSITIVE.

YOU KNOW, SHE WAS ONHER LAST YEAR OF COLLEGE.

SHE WENT AND HAD THE BABYAND SHE WENT BACK TO SCHOOL,

SO THAT'S A POSITIVE,YOU KNOW.

I'M TRYING TO LOCATEALL THE POSITIVES.

WHAT ELSE I SAIDWAS A POSITIVE.

UH...OH, SHE HAD THE BABYBY THE SAME DUDE

THAT SHE'D BEEN MESSING WITHFOR YEARS,

SO SHE DO KNOWWHO THE DADDY IS.

SHE AIN'T JUST BEENSETTING THAT ASS OUT.

[laughter]

LIKE, I MET THE DUDE,HER BABY DADDY.

YOU KNOW, HE SEEM COOL,YOU KNOW.

YOU KNOW, HE LIKEA SEMI-THUG, YOU KNOW,

ON THE WEEKENDS,AT NIGHT.

[laughter]

YOU KNOW.

LIKE, HE AIN'T NEVERDISRESPECTED ME,

BUT I DON'T LIKE THE WAYHE BE LOOKING AT ME SOMETIME.

HE LOOK AT MELIKE HE REALLY

WANT TO SAYSOMETHING ELSE TO ME.

HE BE LOOKINGAT ME LIKE, "YEP.

I'M SCREWING YOUR DAUGHTER,I SURE AM."

LOOK LIKEIF I TURN MY BACK,

HE'LL DO SOMETHING LIKE THISBEHIND MY BACK, YOU KNOW.

"I SURE AM."

[laughter]

NOW MY DAUGHTERWANT TO GET MARRIED.

SHE WANT TO GET MARRIED.

SHE WANT TO FOLLOW IN MYFOOTSTEPS AND GET MARRIED,

AND I'M LIKE, "IT AIN'TWHAT YOU THINK NOW."

'CAUSE ME AND MY WIFE, WE'VEBEEN MARRIED 3 1/2 YEARS,

YOU KNOW, BUT WE--YEAH.

BUT WE'VE BEEN DATINGSINCE '88, THOUGH.

I WASN'T IN NO RUSH.

"LET ME SEE HOW YOU ACTIN YOUR THIRTIES."

'CAUSE YOU KNOW,ME AND MY RELATIONSHIP,

YOU KNOW, I MARRIEDMY O.G.

HIGH SCHOOL, ELEMENTARY.

YOU KNOW,YOU SHARE LOCKERS TOGETHER.

YOU KNOW, WEAR SHIRTS ALIKEWITH THE CHAMPAGNE GLASS

WITH YOUR NAME IN THE--YEAH.

I AIN'T ASHAMED.I WASN'T A BROTHER.

AIN'T KNOW NO BETTER.

YOU KNOW, LIKE,ME AND MY WIFE,

WE GOTTHE BEST RELATIONSHIP.

LIKE, I DIDN'T HAVE TO GETON ONE KNEE

AND PROPOSE TO MY WIFEOR GIVE HER NO RING

AND SURPRISE HERWITH NO ENGAGEMENT.

I [bleep] JUSTTHAT COMFORTABLE.

WE WERE JUST AT HOME,LOOKING AT TV ONE DAY,

AND I JUST LEANED OVER.

I LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT?

WE CAN GET MARRIEDNEXT SATURDAY IF YOU WANT TO."

[laughter]

"YOU KNOW, IF YOUAIN'T DOIN' NOTHIN'."

[laughter]

SHE GAVE ME A REAL COOL,LAID-BACK ANSWER BACK.

SHE WAS TAKING THE POLISHOFF HER TOES

AND DIDN'T EVEN LOOK UP.

SHE WAS LIKE,"ALL RIGHT."

[laughter]

"I'LL GO AND CALLEVERYBODY."

LIKE, THAT'S MY BOO,RIGHT THERE.

THAT'S MY LITTLE WOO-WOO.

[laughter]

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