Nick Swardson - Kid Toys

  • Season 4 , Ep 6
  • 01/07/2001
  • Views: 18,669

TODAY.

HE'S SIX, SIX YEARS OLD.

HE'S INTO POKEMON.

OH, MY GOSH.

I DON'T KNOW IF ANYBODY HAS KIDS

INTO POKEMON.

BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE CRACK

TO KIDS.

YOU KNOW, THEY'RE SO LIKE,

"OH, MY GOD!

OH!"

LIKE WHENEVER A KID'S GET A NEW

TOY, THEY'RE LIKE, "OH, MY GOD.

I GOT TO FIND IT.

WHERE IS IT?

WHERE'S MY TOY?"

AND HE, LIKE, HAS TO TELL ME.

HE BRINGS ME INTO HIS POKEMON

WORLD.

YOU KNOW, LIKE KIDS WILL CORNER

YOU AND JUST LIKE TALK YOUR EAR

OFF.

HE'S ALWAYS EXPLAINING TO ME

LIKE ALL THE CHARACTERS.

HE'LL CORNER ME AND BE LIKE...

(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) "UNCLE

NICK.

THERE IS THIS ONE CHARACTER, AND

HE DOES THIS AND HE LOOKS LIKE

THIS, AND THERE'S ANOTHER ONE

AND HE LOOKS LIKE THIS AND HIS

NAME IS THIS.

AND HE HAS THIS.

THERE'S ANOTHER ONE AND HE DOES

THIS.

AND HIS NAME IS THIS.

AND THERE IS ANOTHER ONE...

(BABBLING)

AND I'M JUST LIKE, "YEAH.

YEAH."

SO WHAT I DO WHEN HE'S DONE IS I

BRING HIM INTO THE BATHROOM AND

SHOW HIM THE LOTIONS AND

VITAMINS AND SOAPS AND HAIR

PRODUCTS, AND I EXPLAIN EACH ONE

AND WHAT THEY DO.

(LAUGHTER)

AND I GO, "YOU SEE HOW THAT

FEELS?

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S KIND OF WHAT THAT'S LIKE

WHEN YOU DO THAT.

(APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER)

I'M JUST SAYING YOU CAN--

I MEAN, I LOVE YOU.

I'M JUST SAYING IT'S JUST A

LITTLE TEDIOUS."

BUT MY OTHER COUSIN'S 12, AND HE

JUST GOT A VIDEO GAME SYSTEM

WHICH IS REALLY, LIKE,

INCREDIBLE.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE SEEN

VIDEO GAMES LATELY, BUT THEY'RE

INSANE.

THEY'RE SO MUCH DIFFERENT FROM,

LIKE, THE GAMES THAT I GREW UP

PLAYING.

YOU KNOW?

HE'S GOT THIS VIDEO SYSTEM.

AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY REAL,

LIKE, THE GAMES NOW.

THEY'RE REALLY REALISTIC, AND

THEY'RE ALL LIKE FIGHTING GAMES,

AND THEY'RE ALL LIKE 3-D.

AND THERE'S LIKE BLOOD AND LIKE,

"WHOA.

ALL RIGHT.

OKAY."

I'M, LIKE, I'M WATCHING THEM.

HOW MUCH MORE REAL CAN IT GET?

YOU KNOW?

LIKE WHAT IS THE FUTURE OF VIDEO

GAMES?

YOU GONNA GO TO YOUR FRIEND'S

HOUSE LIKE, "HEY, WHAT'S UP,

MAN?

YOU WANT TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES?"

"YEAH.

LET'S..."

(LAUGHTER)

"GOOD GAME, MAN.

GOOD GAME."

(APPLAUSE)

"HERE'S A QUARTER.

THANKS, MAN.

YOU'RE REALLY GOOD.

YOU'RE GETTING REALLY GOOD.

THANKS."

BUT IT'S LIKE THE KIDS NOW,

THEY'RE GONNA GROW UP WITHOUT,

LIKE, PACMAN.

I JUST THOUGHT OF THAT.

THAT'S WEIRD.

THEY WON'T HAVE IT AT ALL.

LOOK AT THOSE LARGE GAMES.

THEY WON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS.

AND THE WORST PART ABOUT IT IS

WE'LL BE EXPLAINING IT AND

LOOKING LIKE FREAKS.

(LAUGHTER)

WE'LL BE EXPLAINING OUR VIDEO

GAMES.

THEY'LL BE PLAYING SOME NEW

FUTURISTIC FIGHTING GAME.

WE'LL BE LIKE, "WELL, WHEN I WAS

YOUR AGE WE HAD A GAME WITH A

YELLOW CIRCLE.

(LAUGHTER)

AND IT ATE DOTS AND FRUIT."

(APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER)

"AND THEN IT COULD BE CHASED BY

GHOSTS.

OH, MY!

OH!"

"THAT'S GREAT, GRANDPA."

"AND THERE WAS ANOTHER GAME WITH

A MONKEY.

AND HE THREW BARRELS AT YOU, AND

YOU HAD TO JUMP OVER OR THEY'D

HURT YOU."

"I GOT TO GO, GRANDPA."

"WAIT.

I DIDN'T TELL YOU ABOUT THE FROG

WHO TRIES TO CROSS THE STREET.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

THAT GAME..."

YOU GO...

YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

MY GRANDMA, SHE TURNED 90.

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