Michelle Buteau - Jamaican Nanny

Somerville, Buteau, Levin, Maniscalco Season 9, Ep 902 12/02/2005 Views: 4,000

Michelle Buteau talks about living in a nice building in New York City. (3:15)

MISS MICHELLE, IF YOU'RE NASTY. WHAT-- WHAT?

[LAUGHTER]

- WHY PEOPLE LOVE THAT...? UM... - [LAUGHTER]

I LIVE HERE IN MANHATTAN. VERY NICE NEIGHBORHOOD,

VERY NICE BUILDING,BUT I HAPPEN TO BE THE ONLY ONE,

UNDER 60 AND NOT JEWISH IN MY BUILDING. SHALOM.

- UM... - [LAUGHTER]

WHICH IS COOL. THAT'S COOL.

BUT EVERYONE THINKS I'M A JAMAICAN NANNY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

AND I DON'T LIKE WHEN PEOPLE MAKE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? JUST BECAUSE THEY MIGHT SMELL A LITTLE WEED COMING OUT

OF MY APARTMENT,HA-HA-HA! CUZ YOU KNOW.

SHE KNOWS.

OR BECAUSE I CARRY AROUND

A LITTLE WHITE BABY IN MY KNAPSACK.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SHOOT, I AM BROKEAND LITTLE WHITE BABIESARE GOOD MONEY.

HA-HA! WHO SAID IT? I SAID IT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND DATING IN THE CITY,I GET A LOT OF THIS

WHOLE NEW PHENOMENON.HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN THIS?

I GET THE BLACK BOY THAT WANTS TO BE WHITE

AND THE WHITE BOYTHAT WANTS TO BE BLACK.

MY CHOICES ARETIGER WOODS AND EMINEM.HOW'D THAT HAPPEN?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I'M JUST SAYING, THOUGH,I'M JUST SAYING.

BUT YOU KNOW BLACK OR WHITE,

I'M A BIG FAN OFINTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS. I AM.

I FEEL LIKE, TWO UGLY PEOPLE FROM TWO DIFFERENT RACES,

WILL ALWAYS HAVE A CUTE KID. RIGHT?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

I MEAN, THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS THAT

YOU GUYS SHOULDN'T CARE WHAT COLOR SOMEONE IS, RIGHT?

WE'RE ALL THE SAME COLOR IN THE DARK.

[LAUGHTER]

WE JUST TASTE A LITTLE DIFFERENT.

HA! WHO'S DONE THE RESEARCH?

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

BUT THIS IS SUCH A COOL JOB-- COMEDY.

I MEAN, I USED TO BE A TELEMARKETER.

- [LAUGHTER] - FORGET YOU. NO--

IT'S A HARD JOB, 8 HOURS A DAY.PEOPLE HANGING UP ON YOU.

I STARTED TO TAKE IT PERSONALLY.

SO I WOULD CALL DURING THE DAYAND THE HOUSEWIVES WOULD ANSWER.

I USED TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN. INSTEAD OF SAYING,

[Natural Voice] "HI, CAN IPLEASE SPEAK TO MR. BOB SMITH?"

'CAUSE THAT'S MY WHITE VOICE, I GOT TO SELL STUFF.

[LAUGHTER]

BLACK PEOPLE KNOW.

INSTEAD OF SAYING THAT,I'LL BE, LIKE,

[Heavy Breathing]

"HI...

IS BOB THERE?"

[LAUGHTER]

BUT THEY WOULD, LIKE, FREAK OUT. AND THEY'D BE, LIKE--

"UM, WHO'S THIS?" AND I'D BE, LIKE, "OH.

OH, NEVER MIND. I'LL JUST CALL BACK LATER."

THANK YOU, NEW YORK. YOU'VE BEEN MORE THAN DELICIOUS!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]