Maronzio Vance - Threat Level Orange

Maronzio Vance Season 1, Ep 8 06/01/2012 Views: 3,931

Maronzio Vance's efforts to compliment his Middle Eastern date fall flat. (2:27)

thing I've done of recent,

I went on a date with,went on a date

with a Middle Eastern girl.

Yeah, just to give everybodya fair shake.

Um, went on a datewith this Middle-Eastern girl.

Very attractive young lady.

Beautiful. She wore, like,this black dress.

Beautiful black dressshe had on.

And she had these heels,these little six-inch heels

that made her calves, you know,protrude out or whatever.

And she had a little dressthat came off her shoulders

a little bit,

and she had her hair upin a little bun.

She had this shimmerglitter stuff on

to make her look like she hadbeen in arts and crafts all day.

And we were walkingthrough the restaurant,

and as we were walkingthrough the restaurant,

I see all these guysare staring at her.

I'm, like, "Oh, my God,let me, you know,

"give her a complimentso she'll know

that I'm paying attention."

And I go over to her,and I just say the first thing

that comes to mind.

I say, "Damn girl, you gotthe threat level

of orange in here."


But that's not whatI should have said.

Uh, we continue to walkinto the restaurant.

And we sit down to eat,and the waiter comes over to us

and says, "Hey, how you doing?How can I help you?"

And she turns to me immediatelyand says, "You can help me

by taking me home."I said, "What's wrong?"

She said, "You insulted me."

I said, "No, I didn't."

She said, "Yes, you did.

You said the threat levelis on orange in here."

I said, "Oh, I didn't mean itlike America mean it.

I mean it as a compliment."

She was, like, "I don't givea damn how you meant it.

I want you to take me homeand take me home now."

I'm, like, "No, I'm not.We just got here.

We gonna have a great time."

She said, "No, we're not.Take me home."

I said, "No, I'm hungry.I want to eat.

I'm staying here."

She says,"Fine, then I'm leaving."

She gets up, she throwsa napkin down

and tries to make a sceneand leave.

And I panic, and I just saythe first thing

that I can think of.

I was, like, "If you try toleave me in here by myself,

I may yell out, 'Pleasedon't blow up that building.'"

And she turned aroundand looked at me, like,

"You wouldn't dare."

I was, like, "Yes, I would."

She said, "Well, I'll justyell out 'Rape.'"

I was, like, "Ain't nobodygonna believe

I'm gonna rape a terrorist."

And if they do,I'll just tell 'em

I'm doing it for my country,so..."