D.C. Benny - Toilet Analysis

  • Season 8 , Ep 3
  • 02/05/2004
  • Views: 11,623

A New York super can spend an hour analyzing why a toilet broke. (3:06)

D.C. Benny: GREAT THING ABOUT

NEW YORK IS THERE'S SO MANY

CHARACTERS, YOU KNOW?

AND SO MANY DIFFERENT JOBS

AND PEOPLE DOING ALL KINDS OF

STUFF, YOU KNOW?

LIKE THE SUPER.

I THINK SUPERS HAVE SUPER

POWERS.

[LAUGHTER]

LIKE THE POWER TO DISAPPEAR

ANYTIME THERE'S SOME STUFF THAT

NEEDS TO BE DONE, YOU KNOW.

LIKE THEY HEAR YOU COMING.

"QUICKLY, IN THE SHAPE OF A

COAT RACK."

[LAUGHTER]

I CALLED MY SUPER THE OTHER DAY

'CAUSE THE TOILET BROKE DOWN.

AND HE DIDN'T FIX IT.

HE JUST ANALYZED IT FOR ABOUT

AN HOUR.

AND HE WAS LOOKING AT IT,

YOU KNOW, LIKE...

[SIGHS]

[THICK HISPANIC ACCENT]

"WHAT HAPPENED--

WHAT HAPPENED THE PIPE HOW IT

CRASHED SO THE WAY YOUR COVER...

BECAUSE THE OTHER PIPE,

IT WAY SO IT WILL COME THAT

WAY...

BUT IT DON'T COME THAT WAY.

[LAUGHTER, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

BECAUSE THAT ONE BACK THERE

LITTLE BOWL, IT 'PPOSED TO

FLOOD ON TOP-- IT SINK-- AHH!

[LAUGHTER]

I THINK YOU WERE HAVING--

MAYBE SOMEBODY VERY STRONG

MAYBE YOUR WIFE, SHE COME IN,

SHE FLUSHING TOO HARD AND THUS

BREAK THE TOILET.

BUT DON'T WORRY, I GET THE PART.

I HAVE TO GO TO TALK TO

SOMEBODY-- MY COUSIN.

SOME TIME HE THERE.

SOME TIME HE DON'T THERE."

[LAUGHTER]

"IT'S VERY SPECIAL.

TAKE A LONG TIME.

MAYBE 30 DAYS.

[LAUGHTER]

MAYBE EVEN ONE MONTH."

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

YEAH.

[CHEERS, WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH.

THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO HAVE LIVED

HERE THEIR ENTIRE LIVES THAT

I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT

SPEAK ENGLISH.

[LAUGHTER]

LIKE I SEE THIS GUY EVERY

MORNING BEFORE I GET ON THE

TRAIN, YOU KNOW?

"MY, MAN, YOU KNOW, YOU CRAZY,

MAN.

MY MAN, NAH, NAH, YOU KNOW WHAT

I'M SAYING?

NO-- MY MAN.

NAH, NAH...

[MUMBLING]

...BE ON IT, NO, I'M TRYING

TO..."

[WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

"HOLD UP, FIVE OH, FIVE OH."

[LAUGHTER]

BUT I LIKE THE DIVERSITY

OF BROOKLYN, YOU KNOW?

LIKE-- AND YOU SEE A LOT OF

CROSS CULTURAL THINGS,

YOU KNOW?

LIKE I SEE A LOT OF JAMAICAN

LADIES TAKING CARE OF LITTLE

WHITE KIDS.

I'M LIKE THAT'S A BAD PLAN.

THAT'S GONNA BACKFIRE, YOU KNOW?

MOM'S GONNA COME HOME ONE DAY,

"JOHNNY, EAT YOUR BROCCOLI."

"ME NO WANT THIS BLOOD CLOT

BROCCOLI.

ME NO WANT IT.

ME WANT THE BEEF PATTY AND

SOME RED STRIPE."

[LAUGHTER]

"JOHNNY, I'M GONNA GET YOUR

FATHER."

"ME NO SCARED OF WHITE BOY."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

A LOT OF MERCY.

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