Dave Waite - Data Entry Job

Season 4, Ep 0404 11/06/2009 Views: 1,986

If God's plan is to have Dave work in data entry, then he wants to see what the devil has to offer. (2:12)

When you work in an office,

they have a lot of bogusincentives, right?

They're like,"If you work hard this week...

"You work hard this week,

"next Friday is goingto be jeans day. Yeah!


And people lose their mind,right?

They set garbage cans on fire.

Throw Molotov cocktailsin the break room.

High-fivesare given out everywhere.

"My job sucks less in jeans!Yeah!"

Well, I'm an adult,so I don't care.

And you gotto wear your dress shoes,

so you look like a doofus.

I'd look at my boss, be like,"Jeans? Khakis? Either way,

I'm going to free-ball it, dawg.My balls are going to be loose!"

Don't be saying that, everybody.The economy's kind of crazy.

I'd hate for you to be at theunemployment office, like,

"That weird comedian told meto free-ball it."

"Uh, reason for termination:going commando."

I used to do data entry work.That's where you type numbers

in a computer all day, right?

Like, "Click, clack,click, clack, click, clack.

"It's gotta be two hours, gottabe two hours, gotta be two...

"Ten minutes? Son of a bitch!I hate this job.

Ugh! I wish it was jeans day."


Then you look overat your cubicle mate

and they have that wallpaperon their computer.

It says, "God has a planfor all of us."

And I'm like,"Well, that's sweet,

"but if God's plan for me isto work in data entry,

I want to see what the devilhas on the table."

That's what I'm saying.He's going to get me laid.

Before I go, I think I gave youthe wrong impression

about my parents earlier.

They actually sent me to Europewhen I was 18.

And I went to Italy,and there was a topless beach.

And if you've beenfollowing along,

that was a big deal to me,and, uh...

Titties, everybody.

Come on.

It was titties and sand and oil.

I was like, "This isthe best vacation ever."

Then we took a busfrom Italy to Germany.

It was a big tour bus and wewere about to get off the bus

and go into a rest area.

And the tour guide was like,"I just want everybody to know

there are gypsiesoutside of this bus."

And I was like, "Holy cow, myparents pulled out all the stops

"to sell me to the gypsies.

"They fooled me with this sweet,titty-filled European vacation

just to sell meto the damn gypsies."