Mo Mandel - Just No Way

  • Season 14 , Ep 16
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 11,887

Mo Mandel finds it hard to believe that the girl he's dating has an eating disorder. (2:44)

SO, I'M SINGLE. UH...

NO, I'M NOW IN WHAT'S KNOWNAS A LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP,

WHICH IS VERY TOUGH.

I LIVE IN L.A.,AND SHE LIVES IN THE FUTURE.

IT'S TOUGH.

DATING'S IMPOSSIBLE,THOUGH, RIGHT?

THIS HAPPENED TO METHE OTHER DAY.

HAVE YOU GUYS EVER BEENIN THIS SITUATION?

THIS MIGHT BE TOO L.A.FOR YOU GUYS,

BUT YOU EVER IN A POSITIONWHERE YOU'RE DATING SOMEBODY

AND SHE TELLS YOUSHE'S AN ANOREXIC

BUT THERE'S JUST NO WAY?

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

I WAS DATING THIS GIRLWHO TOLD ME SHE WAS AN ANOREXIC.

I WAS LIKE, "WELL,KEEP WORKING ON IT BECAUSE...

"DID YOU JUST START RIGHT NOW?

"RIGHT -- 'CAUSE THE ONLY RIBSI SEE ARE ON YOUR PLATE,

AND THEY'RE DONECLEAN TO THE BONES, SO..."

I'M JUST SAYING,IF YOU'RE NOT THAT SKINNY,

YOU CAN'T TELL SOMEONEYOU'RE AN ANOREXIC, RIGHT?

IF I THROW UP AT NIGHT,IT'S NOT BULIMIA.

IT'S JAGERMEISTER.

YOU GOT TO BE AWAREOF YOUR ISSUES.

BUT I'M ALSO A VERY LOYAL GUY.I'VE NEVER CHEATED ON ANYBODY.

YOU KNOW, BUT I USED TO GOON THE ROAD DOING COMEDY,

AND I'D GET LONELY.

AND ONE TIME, I WENT TOTHIS ASIAN MASSAGE PARLOR.

ANYONE EVER BEENTO AN ASIAN MASSAGE PARLOR?

ALL RIGHT, COOL.ONE GUY.

AND THE REST, LIARS!

I WENT TO THIS PLACE.

FIRST OF ALL,IT WAS NOT THE SEXUAL KIND...

AS IT TURNED OUT.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW...

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOWTHAT WAS AN OPTION, REALLY.

BUT I WENT DOWN THERE.

IT HAD A BIG SIGN THAT SAID,"NO SEXUAL FAVORS."

I'M THINKING, "IT'S NOT A FAVORIF I PAY FOR IT."

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

RIGHT?

THANK YOU FOR GETTING THAT.YEAH.

THAT'S RIGHT.

A SEXUAL FAVOR IS LIKE,"CAN I GET A RIDE TO THE AIRPORT

AND YOU JUST [BLEEP] MEIN THE TERMINAL?"

BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO FLY.

SO, I WENT DOWN THERE'CAUSE I'D LOOKED IT UP ONLINE.

'CAUSE I HAVEA VERY LAX SCHEDULE,

AND IT SAID THE WOMENWERE 90 POUNDS.

THEY WALK ON YOUR BACK.

I'M LIKE, "THAT SOUNDS GOODFOR MY CHAKRAS."

I'M GONNA GIVE IT A SHOT, RIGHT?

BUT HERE'S THE THING --

YOU DON'T GET TO PICK YOURMASSEUSE IN THESE SITUATIONS.

AND I'M LYING THEREON THE BED VERY VULNERABLE.

MY MASSEUSE COMES IN --SHE ISN'T 90 POUNDS AT ALL!

I DON'T KNOW IF SHE HADA THYROID CONDITION

OR SHE WAS JUST REALLYINTO RICE, BUT...

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

I'M LYING THERE.

I'M LIKE,"BEFORE YOU WALK ON MY BACK,

"YOU GOT TO JUST WALKA LITTLE BIT.

LIKE, YOU GOT TO MASSAGEA TREADMILL."

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

YOU'RE JUDGING ME.I CAN -- DON'T JUDGE.

IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.

I HAVE A PROBLEMWITH PROSTITUTION...

FINANCIALLY.

IT IS -- ALL RIGHT?

YOU CAN'T AFFORDA HAPPY ENDING IN THIS ECONOMY.

YOU CAN AFFORD A "HMM" ENDING,

THEN YOU GOT TO FINISH OFFIN THE CAR, RIGHT?

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