2 Drink Minimum.
That's a great show for anex-drinker to be on, isn't it,
2 Drink Minimum, sponsored by-oh, my favorite thing is this
Beer with no alcohol.
What a tease.
That is like a nun with a D-cup.
Why on earth would you?
-You know, you can see them.
You can touch them.
But what's the use.
-Why would you drinkbeer with no alcohol?
In case you like that bloatedfeeling and frequent urination
that accompaniesreal beer drinking?
-And you're kind of, like, well,I don't want to get a buzz.
I just like to piss a lot.
- I haven't had a drinkin a really long time.
I haven't had alcoholin almost nine years.
Later a room full ofpeople'll do it. [laughs]
-Isn't it hot in here?
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Yes.
-I just felt like saying that.
I didn't have anythingto go with it.
You guys did all getoff work and everything.
Now, I went shopping today.
I used my IvanaTrump card. [laughs]
-I was watching Ivana onsome show the other day.
She goes, now she says,I go broadcasting.
Women like me.
-I'm looking at her.
Her face is stretched sotight she can use one Q-Tip,
because her earsmeet in the back now.
-And, I'm, like,I'm gonna do that.
I'm gonna go get thosestore-bought boobs
Because I was in LA for a monthand people'll come and talk
to you if you have lessthan, like, a B-cup there,
just because you're a curiosity.
You know, Stop looking.[laughter]
-I'm telling the truth.
-And they will.
I want some of thosebig, old fake things,
but I don't want to turn intoone of those lizard women,
the women who've had somuch cosmetic surgery
they're not even biodegradable.
You know, their necksstart to look like that.
-They look likebig komodo dragons
with Chanel accessories.
-(SNOOTY VOICE) I'd love tolaugh at your little joke
but my stitcheswill fly everywhere.
-No, it's true.
Last night I was guffawing andmy breast flew across the room.
-And landed on a wall.
It was so [inaudible].
-I know, they'relittle rich kids.