Brett Butler - Beer with No Alcohol

Butler, Behrendt, Louis C.K. Season 2, Ep 0205 05/26/1993 Views: 2,865

Apparently, some people don't like to get a buzz but do like to pee a lot. (1:46)

2 Drink Minimum.

That's a great show for anex-drinker to be on, isn't it,

2 Drink Minimum, sponsored by-oh, my favorite thing is this

beer-with-no-alcohol-frenzyeverybody has.

Beer with no alcohol.

What a tease.

That is like a nun with a D-cup.

Why on earth would you?

[laughter]

-You know, you can see them.

You can touch them.

But what's the use.

[laughter]

-Why would you drinkbeer with no alcohol?

In case you like that bloatedfeeling and frequent urination

that accompaniesreal beer drinking?

[laughter]

-And you're kind of, like, well,I don't want to get a buzz.

I just like to piss a lot.

Thank you.

[laughter]

- I haven't had a drinkin a really long time.

I haven't had alcoholin almost nine years.

Don't clap.

Later a room full ofpeople'll do it. [laughs]

[laughter]

-Isn't it hot in here?

OK.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Yes.

-I just felt like saying that.

I didn't have anythingto go with it.

You guys did all getoff work and everything.

Now, I went shopping today.

I used my IvanaTrump card. [laughs]

[laughter]

-I was watching Ivana onsome show the other day.

She goes, now she says,I go broadcasting.

I talk.

Women like me.

-I'm looking at her.

Her face is stretched sotight she can use one Q-Tip,

because her earsmeet in the back now.

[laughter]

-And, I'm, like,I'm gonna do that.

I'm gonna go get thosestore-bought boobs

and everything.

Because I was in LA for a monthand people'll come and talk

to you if you have lessthan, like, a B-cup there,

just because you're a curiosity.

You know, Stop looking.[laughter]

-I'm telling the truth.

OK.

[laughter]

-And they will.

I want some of thosebig, old fake things,

but I don't want to turn intoone of those lizard women,

the women who've had somuch cosmetic surgery

they're not even biodegradable.

You know, their necksstart to look like that.

[laughter]

-They look likebig komodo dragons

with Chanel accessories.

[laughter]

-(SNOOTY VOICE) I'd love tolaugh at your little joke

but my stitcheswill fly everywhere.

[laughter]

-No, it's true.

Last night I was guffawing andmy breast flew across the room.

[laughter]

-And landed on a wall.

It was so [inaudible].

[laughter]

-I know, they'relittle rich kids.