Reno Collier - Mexican Coin

CC Presents: Reno Collier Season 9, Ep 6 03/03/2005 Views: 5,697

Reno Collier has a hangover. (2:25)

I DON'T FEEL GOOD.

I GOT A HANGOVER.

I'M STUPID.

I WENT OUT LAST NIGHT

STARTED OUT THE NIGHT

SHOOTING TEQUILA THEN FOR SOME

DUMB REASON I SWITCHED OVER TO

GOLDSCHLAGGER.

I WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND

POOPED A MEXICAN COIN.

[LAUGHTER]

"RAHHH, IT SCARED THE HELL

OUT OF ME."

I WAS LIKE, [MAKES PELLET

NOISES] I THOUGHT I WON

SOMETHING.

[LAUGHTER]

MY PARENTS, THEY DON'T NEVER

COME SEE MY SHOWS.

MY FAMILY'S VERY RELIGIOUS

YA KNOW AND I BELIEVE IN GOD

BUT THEY MADE ME DO EVERYTHING

AT CHURCH GROWING UP, YA KNOW.

LIKE THAT'S HOW THEY FOUND OUT

I WAS DYSLEXIC.

THEY DIDN'T EVEN KNOW.

UNTIL I WAS 12 YEARS OLD

THEY MADE ME SING IN THE CHURCH

CHOIR.

WE HAD THIS HUGE CHRISTMAS GALA,

THE WHOLE CONGREGATION'S THERE.

ALL THE OTHER KIDS ARE

SINGING FINE, THEY'RE LIKE,

♪ NOEL, NO... ♪

I'M IN THE BACK GOING,

♪ LEON, LEON ♪

♪ LEON ♪

[LAUGHTER]

THEN THEY MADE ME PLAY ON OUR

CHURCH SOFTBALL TEAM.

OUR CHURCH HAD THEIR OWN

SOFTBALL TEAM, BUT APPARENTLY

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO GET DRUNK

BEFORE THE GAMES.

[LAUGHTER]

I DIDN'T KNOW.

I THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT SOFTBALL

WAS.

THAT'S WHY THEY MADE THAT

BIG DAMN MONKEY BALL SO YOU CAN

HIT IT WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK.

IT'S NOT BASEBALL.

THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF THE

STUPID THING, YA KNOW.

IT WAS HORRIBLE.

WE SHOWED UP TO THE FIRST GAME,

I'M SMASHED.

I'M HANGING OUT OF THE DUGOUT,

THE OTHER TEAM HAS SOME GUY ON

FIRST BASE, I'M YELLIN' AT HIM,

"HEY...

[LAUGHTER]

THOU SHALT NOT STEAL."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

GOD DIDN'T THINK IT WAS FUNNY,

WE LOST EVERY DAMN GAME,

YA KNOW.

AND SO FINALLY I GOT SICK OF US

LOSING ALL THE TIME, SO I NAMED

OUR TEAM, I CHANGED THE NAME OF

OUR TEAM TO "OFF CONSTANTLY."

THAT WAY AT LEAST EVERY TIME

WE LOST AT THE END OF THE GAME,

THE OTHER TEAM HAD TO RUN AROUND

THE FIELD TO CELEBRATE AND LIKE,

"WE WON!

WE BEAT OFF CONSTANTLY!

WE BEAT OFF CONSTANTLY!"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]