TOM RHODES>> I'VE BEEN SPENDING
A LOT OF TIME IN EUROPE, MAN.
I, AH, BEEN ACTUALLY DATING
A GIRL IN AMSTERDAM, YEAH.
MY LIFE'S TERRIBLE RIGHT NOW.
IT'S LIKE I WENT TO AMSTERDAM A
FEW YEARS AGO, AND I WAS HOPING
I COULD MEET A CUTE DUTCH GIRL.
YOU KNOW HOW YOUR IMAGINATION
GOES CRAZY WHEN YOU'RE ON
VACATION?
I WAS LIKE, MAYBE I COULD LIVE
IN A WINDMILL?
(LAUGHTER)
HEY, MAYBE I COULD BE A TULIP
FARMER, YOU KNOW?
BUT, AH, THERE'S A BIG
MISCONCEPTION ABOUT AMSTERDAM.
A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK ALL DRUGS
ARE LEGAL IN AMSTERDAM,
AND THAT'S NOT THE TRUTH.
ONLY MARIJUANA, HASH AND
MUSHROOMS.
AND THEY HAVE STIFFER PENALTIES
FOR HARDER DRUGS, LIKE COCAINE
AND HEROINE THAN WE DO AND THEY
HAVE THE LOWEST PERCENTAGE OF
DRUG ADDICTS IN ALL OF EUROPE.
SO ANYWAY...
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
I WAS IN AMSTERDAM LAST SUMMER,
AND I HAD A HEADACHE AND I WAS
ON MY WAY TO THE DRUGSTORE TO
GET SOME ASPIRIN AND
I REMEMBERED: HEY, MUSHROOMS
ARE LEGAL HERE.
I COULD TURN THIS HEADACHE INTO
A MAGIC CARPET RIDE.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
NOW I WANT THE CHILDREN AT HOME
TO SEE THROUGH THE STORY AND SEE
THAT IT'S REALLY A BAD STORY
THAT I'M TELLING.
THIS IS REALLY AN UH, UH, UH,
SAY NO TO DRUGS PIECE...
SO, I GOT SOME MUSHROOMS,
AND I'M TRIPPING MY BALLS OFF.
IT'S A NICE HOT, WARM, SUMMER
NIGHT, MAN.
THERE'S THIS BEAUTIFUL PARK,
VONDA PARK.
IT'S LIKE THE CENTRAL PARK OF
AMSTERDAM.
AND I'M JUST RUNNIN' THROUGH
THIS PARK, MAN.
I'M FEELIN' BEAUTIFUL.
I KICKED OFF MY SHOES; I DIDN'T
CARE ABOUT THE SHOES.
I JUST LEFT THEM AND
I'M RUNNIN'.
I'M FEELIN' BEAUTIFUL.
I LOOKED AROUND AND NO ONE'S
IN THIS PARK.
I JUST STARTED RIPPING OFF
MY CLOTHES.
I'M RUNNING NAKED THROUGH THIS
PARK.
I'M COMMUNICATING WITH THE ONE
TRUE GOD, THE LITTLE PLANTS
WERE TALKING TO ME.
TELLING ME I WAS SAFE IN GOD'S
PERFECTLY BALANCED UNIVERSE
AND THAT THEY'D WATCH MY SHOES.
(LAUGHTER)
HOW COME YOU NEVER SEE THAT
PICTURE WHEN YOU'RE IN SCHOOL?
REMEMBER WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG AND
IN SCHOOL AND THEY SHOW YOU A
PICTURE OF SOMEONE ON DRUGS AND
HE'S ALWAYS IN AN ALLEY MANGLED
AND SCREWED UP, RIGHT?
HE'S GOT ONE SHOE ON AND LEAVES
IN HIS HAIR.
THEY NEVER SHOW YOU THE HAPPY,
RUNNING, NAKED THROUGH THE PARK
PICTURE, MAN.
(LAUGHTER AN