Tom Rhodes - The Lighter Side of Drugs

  • Season 5 , Ep 6
  • 08/05/2001
  • Views: 4,459

In Amsterdam, the drug laws turn a headache into a magic carpet ride. (2:13)

TOM RHODES>> I'VE BEEN SPENDING

A LOT OF TIME IN EUROPE, MAN.

I, AH, BEEN ACTUALLY DATING

A GIRL IN AMSTERDAM, YEAH.

MY LIFE'S TERRIBLE RIGHT NOW.

IT'S LIKE I WENT TO AMSTERDAM A

FEW YEARS AGO, AND I WAS HOPING

I COULD MEET A CUTE DUTCH GIRL.

YOU KNOW HOW YOUR IMAGINATION

GOES CRAZY WHEN YOU'RE ON

VACATION?

I WAS LIKE, MAYBE I COULD LIVE

IN A WINDMILL?

(LAUGHTER)

HEY, MAYBE I COULD BE A TULIP

FARMER, YOU KNOW?

BUT, AH, THERE'S A BIG

MISCONCEPTION ABOUT AMSTERDAM.

A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK ALL DRUGS

ARE LEGAL IN AMSTERDAM,

AND THAT'S NOT THE TRUTH.

ONLY MARIJUANA, HASH AND

MUSHROOMS.

AND THEY HAVE STIFFER PENALTIES

FOR HARDER DRUGS, LIKE COCAINE

AND HEROINE THAN WE DO AND THEY

HAVE THE LOWEST PERCENTAGE OF

DRUG ADDICTS IN ALL OF EUROPE.

SO ANYWAY...

(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

I WAS IN AMSTERDAM LAST SUMMER,

AND I HAD A HEADACHE AND I WAS

ON MY WAY TO THE DRUGSTORE TO

GET SOME ASPIRIN AND

I REMEMBERED: HEY, MUSHROOMS

ARE LEGAL HERE.

I COULD TURN THIS HEADACHE INTO

A MAGIC CARPET RIDE.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

NOW I WANT THE CHILDREN AT HOME

TO SEE THROUGH THE STORY AND SEE

THAT IT'S REALLY A BAD STORY

THAT I'M TELLING.

THIS IS REALLY AN UH, UH, UH,

SAY NO TO DRUGS PIECE...

SO, I GOT SOME MUSHROOMS,

AND I'M TRIPPING MY BALLS OFF.

IT'S A NICE HOT, WARM, SUMMER

NIGHT, MAN.

THERE'S THIS BEAUTIFUL PARK,

VONDA PARK.

IT'S LIKE THE CENTRAL PARK OF

AMSTERDAM.

AND I'M JUST RUNNIN' THROUGH

THIS PARK, MAN.

I'M FEELIN' BEAUTIFUL.

I KICKED OFF MY SHOES; I DIDN'T

CARE ABOUT THE SHOES.

I JUST LEFT THEM AND

I'M RUNNIN'.

I'M FEELIN' BEAUTIFUL.

I LOOKED AROUND AND NO ONE'S

IN THIS PARK.

I JUST STARTED RIPPING OFF

MY CLOTHES.

I'M RUNNING NAKED THROUGH THIS

PARK.

I'M COMMUNICATING WITH THE ONE

TRUE GOD, THE LITTLE PLANTS

WERE TALKING TO ME.

TELLING ME I WAS SAFE IN GOD'S

PERFECTLY BALANCED UNIVERSE

AND THAT THEY'D WATCH MY SHOES.

(LAUGHTER)

HOW COME YOU NEVER SEE THAT

PICTURE WHEN YOU'RE IN SCHOOL?

REMEMBER WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG AND

IN SCHOOL AND THEY SHOW YOU A

PICTURE OF SOMEONE ON DRUGS AND

HE'S ALWAYS IN AN ALLEY MANGLED

AND SCREWED UP, RIGHT?

HE'S GOT ONE SHOE ON AND LEAVES

IN HIS HAIR.

THEY NEVER SHOW YOU THE HAPPY,

RUNNING, NAKED THROUGH THE PARK

PICTURE, MAN.

(LAUGHTER AN

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