Chelsea Handler - Midget Love

  • Season 11 , Ep 13
  • 03/08/2007
  • Views: 28,611

Chelsea met her first midget in Mexico. (1:27)

FROM YOUR GYNECOLOGIST? IS THAT--

[LAUGHTER]

I RECENTLY HAD SEX WITH A MIDGET, NOT ON PURPOSE.

HE WAS A TRICKY LITTLE [BLEEP].

HE KEPT GIVING ME SHOT AFTER SHOT AFTER SHOT OF TEQUILA.

AND HE KEPT GETTING TALLER AND TALLER AND TALLER.

AND SOME PEOPLE HAVE A PHOBIA OF MIDGETS, YOU KNOW,

THEY'RE LIKE SCARED OF THEM. I HAVE THE EXACT OPPOSITE,

I SEE THEM I WANT TO HOLD THEM DOWN AND CUDDLE THEM

AND BE LIKE, COME HERE YOU LITTLE [BLEEP] NUGGET, WHO'S YOUR MOMMY NOW?

YOU'RE SO CUTE. IT'S LIKE-- [GRUNTING]

PEOPLE ARE LIKE, THAT'S NOT THE POLITICALLY CORRECT TERM,

MIDGET, YOU KNOW? I'M LIKE, OBVIOUSLY YOU'VE NEVER HUNG OUT

WITH ONE, SIR, 'CAUSE I'VE HUNG OUT WITH 12 OR 13 AND I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE

THEY LIKE TO BE CALLED EITHER NUGGET OR LITTLE [BLEEP]. OKAY?

I MET MY FIRST MIDGET IN MEXICO AND HE WAS A WAITER

WITH A SOMBRERO ON HIS HEAD FILLED WITH CHIPS AND SALSA.

LIKE I WAS GONNA LET THAT GUY GET AWAY?

I DON'T THINK SO. OKAY? I DON'T THINK SO.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I BROUGHT HIM TO MY HOTEL ROOM AND I WOKE UP IN THE MORNING

AND HEARD THE LITTLE PITTER PATTER OF LITTLE FEET

ON MY SPANISH TILE AND I'M LIKE,OH MY GOD, DID I HAVE A BABY?

WHAT IS THAT?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

Loading...