Felonious Munk Tackles the Word War on Terror

June 16, 2016 - Anika Noni Rose 06/16/2016 Views: 1,009

Resident blegghead and language expert Felonious Munk weighs in on President Obama's refusal to use the term "radical Islamic terrorism." (4:54)

Oh, welcome back.Thank you very much.

Now, if you listento conservatives

it seems likeall that stands between us

and handing ISISits own ass is...

um, is, like,three little words.

Yippee-ki-yay, (bleep).

No, no, no, no, no.

It wasn't that.Although that was awesome.

Uh, it was this.

Radical Islamic terrorism!

There we go.

See, the right contendsthat since Obama

won't say"radical Islamic terrorism"

he's somehow soft on terror.

To them, Obama is the closed-offone in the relationship

who won't say the wordsthey need to hear,

'cause... I don't even knowwhat we are right now, Obama.

Mm-hmm. POTUS, what do youhave to say for yourself?

Not once hasan adviser of mine said,

"Man, if we reallyuse that phrase

we're gonna turn this wholething around." Not once.

There's no magicto the phrase "radical Islam".

But anything could be magical,Obama, if you...

(cheering, applause)

...believe!

Thank you very much.Thank you.

All right. But then...

That had nothingto do with anything.

But this is a big debate.

Why won't Obama usethis specific language?

And here with moreon this word war on terror

is our resident egghead andlanguage expert, Felonious Monk.

-(cheering, applause)-Larry.

All right. Now...

Felonious,you're a master of words.

How important is itfor the president

to use the words"radical Islamic terrorism"?

Brother Larry,does the winsomeness

of a lark's area changethe splendor its avian plumage?

Is it not the same with thesematters of human strife?

Does it matter orally,

or are all things the same,

no matter the tenor?

Right.

In other words, Brother Larry,what can the ears say?

For they have no mouthwith which to opine.

Okay...

Oh, oh, okay, so you're saying

his wordsaren't important, right?

I mean, Obama's still fightingthe war on terror, right?

Well, you are bothwholly unerring

and hopelessly astray.

The lexicon matters little when,in a situation such as this,

desideratum is key.

Desideratum...

Of course, right.Desideratum?

Intent.

Right, right, I get it-- intent.

I just wanted to clear that upfor the audience.

(scoffs)Desideratum, you guys.

How have... you not heard that?Come on.

-Listen, words are important,Brother Larry, yes. -Yes.

Though they are but windowsinto the domicile,

and that homeis built upon an idea,

And-and for that-that fetalpostulation to withstand

sustained incursionfrom nature's savagery,

that concept... that foundation

must be unyielding.

Yes, right.

I just said that to someoneat the barbershop the other day.

Well, nonetheless, PresidentObama, in his attempt

to remain respectfully roostedabove the maelstrom of bile

belched forth by the likesof that hirsute titan

of the Teutonic tradition,

one Donald Jiberius Trump...

elects to utilize decorum,to not regress

into the fetid fever swampsof ad hoc animus

against Islam,which ISIS then leverages

to attract fresh janissariesand flunkies.

Oh. Oh, okay.So, you're saying

Obama's trying to bean adult about this

so that he doesn'tvilify Muslims?

Verily, sir, verily.

Really? That's right?

-(cheering, applause)-I got it right. Yeah!

Ha, ha! Um, all right, now--

despite, uh, getting Osama

and the advancesmade against ISIS,

Obama's criticsstill think he's weak on terror.

I mean, two out of fiveRepublicans

think Obama is a Muslim.So, is it hopeless?

Oh, of course not.But Obama's perspicacity

may be ipso factoa mendacious canard,

for the verbiage we useto describe something

can change our opinions of it.

Right. Okay.

Yeah...Can you give me an example?

Well, as you saidto the chief executive

of these United States, the mostpotently powerful potentate

in perhapsthe known macro cosmos,

Larry, one can bea familiar or compatriot,

or one can be most emphatically

and explicitly my brethrenof sub-Saharan succession.

(cheering and applause)

Um...

what did you just call me?

Oh, I saidyou're my (bleep), yo.

I... That's what I thought.Okay.

That part I understood.

Felonious Munk, everybody!We'll be right back!

-See, I got that...-(cheering and applause)