Like if a woman starts dancing
suggestively in front of me,
I will sit downand throw money,
wherever the hell I am.
Home Depot."[bleep] it. Here.
You're a nice lady."
Try dancing for a woman.
She'll be like, "The [bleep]are you doing right now?
Put up some drywalllike a man."
Like, look, if I wereto tear my pants off
and glitter went everywhereand I had nothing on
but a thong, yes, you're right,ladies, that would rock ass,
but...I don't do that.
I knowat least one guy's like,
"If I get crotch glitterin my face,
I'm killing him and myself."
I don't do that,but, ladies, let me ask you,
would you rather I do that,
or finish my set,let you keep drinking,
and then change the oilin all your [bleep] cars?
[scattered applause]Right? Exactly.
That's why this iswhat the strip club
for ladiesshould be like, okay?
I'll lay it outfor you, all right?
There's a country road, right?
There's some trees.
Orange and red leavesare falling
'cause it's autumnin Vermont.
There's a truck onstagewith a hood up.
"Oh, no, you've broken down"is the scenario.
The 19-year-old farmer's son,lives nearby,
looks like a young James Dean,mechanic coveralls on.
"Broke down, huh?"Wiping off his enormous hands.
"I'll take a look."Starts working on the engine.
You can look at him.He's not gonna look at you
'cause that's creepywhen a stripper's like...
Like, [bleep] off, right?He's working.
All of a sudden--"Oh, no, my coveralls got caught
"in the fan belt.Oh, [bleep], I'm naked.
Look what happened there."
[singsong]Sexy grease stains, right?
Shuts the hood.
"Hey, before you leave,do you mind
"if I wash your truckusing this bucket
of soapy sudsand my long, ropy penis?"
Flop.♪ Wash, wash, washing
♪ Your truckwith his wiener ♪
That's the strip clubfor ladies, I think.