Matt Braunger - Strip Club for Ladies

Matt Braunger: Shovel Fighter Season 1, Ep 1 07/14/2012 Views: 7,403

It doesn't matter whether Matt Braunger is at a strip club or Home Depot -- he will always throw money at women who are dancing suggestively. (1:51)

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Like if a woman starts dancing

suggestively in front of me,

I will sit downand throw money,

wherever the hell I am.

Home Depot."[bleep] it. Here.

You're a nice lady."

Try dancing for a woman.

She'll be like, "The [bleep]are you doing right now?

Put up some drywalllike a man."

Like, look, if I wereto tear my pants off

and glitter went everywhereand I had nothing on

but a thong, yes, you're right,ladies, that would rock ass,

but...I don't do that.

I knowat least one guy's like,

"If I get crotch glitterin my face,

I'm killing him and myself."

I don't do that,but, ladies, let me ask you,

would you rather I do that,

or finish my set,let you keep drinking,

and then change the oilin all your [bleep] cars?

[scattered applause]Right? Exactly.

That's why this iswhat the strip club

for ladiesshould be like, okay?

I'll lay it outfor you, all right?

There's a country road, right?

There's some trees.

Orange and red leavesare falling

'cause it's autumnin Vermont.


There's a truck onstagewith a hood up.

"Oh, no, you've broken down"is the scenario.

Who's this?

The 19-year-old farmer's son,lives nearby,

looks like a young James Dean,mechanic coveralls on.

"Broke down, huh?"Wiping off his enormous hands.


"I'll take a look."Starts working on the engine.

You can look at him.He's not gonna look at you

'cause that's creepywhen a stripper's like...

Like, [bleep] off, right?He's working.

All of a sudden--"Oh, no, my coveralls got caught

"in the fan belt.Oh, [bleep], I'm naked.

Look what happened there."

[singsong]Sexy grease stains, right?

Shuts the hood.

"Hey, before you leave,do you mind

"if I wash your truckusing this bucket

of soapy sudsand my long, ropy penis?"

Flop.♪ Wash, wash, washing

♪ Your truckwith his wiener ♪

That's the strip clubfor ladies, I think.

Just saying.