Gary Valentine - Atlanta Sweet Tea

  • Season 5 , Ep 14
  • 09/30/2001
  • Views: 10,416

Waitresses in Atlanta need to relax with the sweet tea. (3:33)

I HAD A POOL PARTY LAST SUMMER.

ALL THE KIDS CAME OVER,

YOU KNOW, WITH THEIR PARENTS.

THEY'RE RUNNING AROUND,

THIS KID, THE KIDS,

NOT THE PARENTS.

(LAUGHTER)

THEY'RE RUNNING AROUND,

YOU KNOW, LIKE LITTLE KIDS,

AND THIS 2 YEAR OLD GUY

WANTED TO RUN AROUND NAKED.

DIDN'T EVEN CARE.

OUT THERE IN HIS OWN LITTLE

WORLD.

LITTLE "PINKY TOE'd JUST

DANGLING THERE.

I HAD A COUPLE OF DRINKS IN ME

I GAVE IT A THWACK.

(AUDIENCE GROANS)

LITTLE SUMMER FUN, RIGHT?

HE, GET THIS, HE RUNS AWAY

CRYING LIKE A LITTLE 1 YEAR OLD.

I'M LIKE, "LIGHTEN UP, TIMOTHY,

IT'S A BARBECUE."

(LAUGHTER)

NOT FRIENDS WITH THEM ANYMORE.

SOME PEOPLE JUST DON'T LIKE A

COOKOUT.

I JUST GOT BACK FROM ATLANTA

GEORGIA.

ANYBODY FROM GEORGIA?

DON'T CARE.

ANYWAY, THERE WAS UM...

Y'KNOW THE THING WITH THE FLIGHT

AND THE WHOLE TRAVELING.

LUGGAGE.

WHY DO THEY BOTHER PUTTING

WHEELS ON LUGGAGE?

DID YOU EVER TRY TO PULL YOUR

LUGGAGE THROUGH THE AIRPORT?

THERE'S NO CONTROL.

I KILLED LIKE THREE KIDS ON THE

WAY HERE.

I HAVE A HUGE SUITCASE AND FOUR

MARBLES ON THE BOTTOM AND A NINE

FOOT STRAP IT'S LIKE WALKING A

BAD DOG.

"C'MON, SAMSONITE. C'MON, BUDDY.

C'MON, SAMMY.

DON'T LAY DOWN NOW.

(APPLAUSE)

DON'T LAY DOWN NOW.

YOU WANNA COME WITH PAPA?

YOU WANNA GO ON THE ESCALATOR?"

YOU WANNA GO ON THE ESCALATOR?"

SO I REALLY WAS IN ATLANTA.

IT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL DOWN

THERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT THOUGH,

THOSE PEOPLE HAVE TO RELAX

WITH THEIR TEA.

YOU KNOW?

WE'RE ALL PROUD OF OUR ICED TEA.

WE DON'T PUSH IT ON YOU LIKE A

CRACK DEALER WHEN YOU GO TO THE

RESTAURANT.

GOD, YOU SIT IN A RESTAURANT

IN ATLANTA GEORGIA AND THE

WAITRESSES COME OUT WITH TWO

PITCHERS FULL OF THE TEA AND YOU

HAVE TO DRINK IT.

THEY CALL IT SWEET TEA.

THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL IT.

"Y'ALL WANT A SWEET TEA?

SWEET TEA?

Y'ALL WANT A SWEET TEA TODAY?

HOW ABOUT A SWEET TEA.

Y'ALL WANT A SWEET TEA?

HOW ABOUT A SWEET TEA.

Y'ALL WANT A SWEET TEA?

HOW ABOUT A SWEET TEA.

Y'ALL WANT A SWEET TEA?

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

Y'ALL WANT A SWEET TEA?

Y'ALL WANT A SWEET TEA?"

I'M BY MYSELF, WHO THE HELL ARE

YOU LOOKING AT?

IT'S LIKE, "OH, YOU DON'T WANT

NO SWEET TEA?"

UH, "WE ALL DON'T WANT NO SWEET

TEA."

"Y'ALL AIN'T FROM AROUND HERE

ARE YA?"

I ASKED THE GUY ON V3 HE WANT NO

SWEET TEA.

HE SAID HE DON'T WANT NO SWEET

TEA.

I SAID, WHY NOT?

YOU DON'T DRINK NO SWEET TEA?

(LAUGHTER)

I SWEAR I COULD DO MY ACT

IN A CLOSET BY MYSELF.

I DON'T EVEN NEED...

LIKE IF THE ROOM WAS EMPTY RIGHT

NOW, SAME SHOW.

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

IT'S JUST HOW I LIKE IT.

SHAKING MY ASS FOR THE PEOPLE.

WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?

ACTUALLY, I THINK THAT'S HOW WE

SHOULD KISS, JUST RUB ASSES.

THAT'S HOW WE SHOULD GREET

SOMEONE.

KISSING'S SO PERSONAL.

I DON'T KNOW EVERY GIRL.

HEY, VERONICA, HOW YA DOING?

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

HOW'S IT GOING?

THIS IS MY HUSBAND HANK.

HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON HANK?

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

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