Eddie Gossling - Quitting

Barnes, Gossling, Costello, Kola Season 5, Ep 509 10/05/2001 Views: 4,340

If you get fired, especially from a bad job, you should go off. (2:20)

ALL THE JOBS I GOT FIRED FROM--

I NEVER CAUSED A SCENE.

AND IF YOU GET FIRED,

ESPECIALLY FROM A BAD JOB,

YOU SHOULD GO OFF.

YOU KNOW?

YEAH.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

BURGER KING DON'T TALK TO

WENDY'S.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

SO I GOT A PLAN.

IF I EVER HAVE TO GET ANOTHER

JOB-- AND I KNOW I'M GONNA GET

FIRED THAT DAY--

THAT DAY I'M GONNA GO TO WORK

WITH A POCKET FULL OF GLITTER,

AND WHEN MY BOSS FIRES ME,

I'LL BE LIKE, AH, SORRY IT

DIDN'T WORK OUT.

GLITTER?

(LAUGHTER)

AND I'M GONNA THROW IT RIGHT IN

HIS FACE.

YOU EVER TRY TO GET GLITTER OFF

BEFORE?

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S TOUGH AS HELL, ISN'T IT?

I MIGHT ME FIRED, BUT HE STILL

HAS TO WALK AROUND WORK THE REST

OF THE DAY.

MAN, WHAT DID YOU DO AT LUNCH?

RUB A MAGIC LAMP?

LOOK AT YOU.

YOU'RE ALL BLING, BLING,

ABRA COTABRA.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I DID AN INTERVIEW FOR A

MAGAZINE ABOUT COMEDY.

AND AT THE INTERVIEW THE GUY

ASKED ME THIS.

HE GOES, "ONE MORE QUESTION.

HOW COME BLACK COMICS ARE ALOUD

TO USE THE "N" WORD ON STAGE

AND WHITE COMICS CAN'T?"

AND I WAS LIKE, "PROBABLY 'CAUSE

WE HAVEN'T USED IT PROPERLY

IN THE PAST."

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERING)

I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, WE GOT A

LITTLE BOSSY WITH IT.

ARE "N" WORD PRIVILEGES

HAVE BEEN REVOKED."

AND THAT'S COOL, YOU KNOW.

I'LL SAY THE "N" WORD,

BUT I DO SING IT A LOT.

'CAUSE IT'S IN A LOT OF THE COOL

MUSIC I BUY TODAY.

YOU SHOULD HEAR ME IN MY CAR

WITH THE WINDOWS UP.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,

THOUGH.

I HAD A BLACK FRIEND IN MY CAR

THE OTHER DAY AND WE WERE

SINGING A DR. DRE SONG.

LIKE, WORD FOR WORD.

THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN I REALIZED,

OH, MY GOD.

THE "N" WORD COMING UP.

(LAUGHTER)

AND I STARTED FREAKING.

I WAS LIKE...

CAN I SING IT IN FRONT OF HIM?

AND I CAN SEE HIM LOOKING AT ME,

TOO.

LIKE, WHATCHA GONNA DO, BIGGIN'?

(LAUGHTER)

SO, I JUST CHANGED THE WORD.

I WAS LIKE, SCHOLARPALOO!

THEN I THREW GLITTER IN HIS FACE

AND RAN OUT OF MY CAR.

THANKS A LOT, NEW YORK.