Paul Mooney - Darkman

Paul Mooney & Mike Sweeney Season 1, Ep 0156 02/24/1992 Views: 13,707

Paul sues Hollywood. (1:34)

THEY WILL LET WHITE PEOPLEMAKE A MOVIE ABOUT ANYTHING.

SCISSORHANDS-- GIVE ME A BREAK.

THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN.

ONLY WHITE PEOPLE COULDTHROW THEIR MOMMA FROM A TRAIN.

I GOT MY OWN PROBLEMS.

I'M SUING WHITE HOLLYWOOD FOR $50 MILLION FOR STRESS

BECAUSE FOR SIX MONTHSI HAD TO HEAR

"DARKMAN-- WHO IS DARKMAN?

DARKMAN'S COMING,DARKMAN IS HERE."

I GO TO THE THEATER,AND DARKMAN IS A WHITE MAN.

I SAID, "WELL, I'LL BE DAMNED.

"I'M DARKMAN.

I CAN'T BE SUPERMAN OR BATMAN,BUT DAMN IT, I'M DARKMAN."

BECAUSE I KNOW FOR SIX MONTHS

IF SOMEBODY WHITE HAD TO HEAR,"WHITEMAN, WHITEMAN'S COMING"

AND GO TO THE THEATER ANDSOME BIG BLACK MAN WAS WHITEMAN

YOU'D WANT YOUR MONEY BACK.

AND THEN I GET TIREDOF PEOPLE SAYING

IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD.

THEY GOT TO SAVE THE EARTH,THE OZONE AND THE PLANET

AND DON'T DRINK THE WATER,AND DON'T WEAR FUR.

IT'S ALL CRAP.

EARTH IS BILLIONSOF YEARS OLD.

EARTH DON'T NEED NO BABY--MAN IS SEVEN MILLION YEARS OLD--

TO HELP HIM.

EARTH WILL SAVE ITSELF.

HAVE YOU NOTICEDIT'S BEEN FIGHTING BACK

WITH THE EARTHQUAKES AND STUFF?

WORRY ABOUT PEOPLE, EACH OTHER

NOT SOMETHING WITH FOUR LEGSAND GOT TEETH-- IT'LL BE FINE.

AND I BLAME IT ALLON WHITE PEOPLE, I DO

BECAUSE YOU GUYS STARTED OUTMESSING THIS STUFF UP--

CHOPPING DOWN TREES TO BUILDBOATS TO GO GET BLACK FOLKS.

AND NOW THAT THE PICNIC IS OVER,YOU WANT US TO HELP YOU RECYCLE.

I'M NOT RECYCLING A DAMN THING.

THAT'S ME ON THE FREEWAY.

I THROW EVERYTHING OUT THERE.