THE COUNTRY, BUT I THOUGHT

THEY WOULD PROBABLY TRY

SOMETHING SNEAKY.

YOU KNOW, BEFORE THEY JUST

LAUNCHED ON FULL-ON INVASION,

YOU KNOW?

WE'RE IN AMERICA.

WE'RE GOOD AT SNEAKY STUFF,

SOMETHING COVERT, YOU KNOW?

FIGURE IF THEY WERE GONNA

GO AFTER SADDAM, INSTEAD OF

LAUNCHING OUT A FULL INVASION

OF THE COUNTRY, START OUT BY

DOING SOMETHING LIKE BLOWING UP

GRACELAND.

[LAUGHTER]

EVERYBODY WITH ME HERE,

GRACELAND, ELVIS'S FORMER HOME,

RIGHT?

WE KNOW ELVIS IS DEAD, TOO.

YOU CAN BLOW UP GRACELAND.

ANYBODY BEEN THERE, 'CAUSE

HILLBILLIES SHOULD NEVER HAVE

CASH.

[LAUGHTER]

OKAY, GRACELAND IS SO TACKY,

PUERTO RICAN PEOPLE WALK OUT OF

THERE GOING, "THERE'S SOME

TACKY STUFFIN THERE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND ELVIS IS DEAD.

WE ALL KNOW THAT, RIGHT?

'CAUSE, YEAH, 'CAUSE ELVIS'S

DAUGHTER MARRIED AND DIVORCED

MICHAEL JACKSON.

IF THAT WOULDN'T HAVE SNAPPED

ELVIS'S FAT ASS RIGHT OUT OF

HIDING, EVERYBODY...

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

RIGHT?

I'M NO ANGELA LANSBURY, BUT...

[LAUGHTER]

ELVIS IS BASICALLY A REDNECK

FROM MISSISSIPPI.

IF HIS DAUGHTER MARRYING AND

DIVORCING A BLACK EFFEMINATE,

CROTCH-GRABBING, BABY-DANGLING,

CHILD-MOLESTING SOUL SINGER...

WOULDN'T PUT HIS

JUMPSUIT-WEARING BUTT RIGHT ON

60 MINUTES...

[LAUGHTER]

SO THAT'S ALL YOU'D HAVE TO DO

IS BLOW UP GRACELAND,

THEN PUT IT ON CNN THAT THE

IRAQIS DID IT.

YEAH, THEN YOU WOULDN'T NEED TO

SEND TROOPS OR DROP ANY BOMBS,

'CAUSE THE NEXT DAY YOU'D HAVE

10,000 GOOD OL' BOYS FROM THE

VOLUNTEER STATE OF TENNESSEE...

ZOOMING ACROSS THE PERSIAN

GULF...

IN BASS BOATS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THEY'D BE OUT THERE DOING

THAT...

[HIGH-PITCHED BOAT ENGINE SOUND]

[LAUGHTER]

"TRIM IT!

TRIM IT!"

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

JUST A BIG WHITE TRASH FLOTILLA.

BASS BOATS, WEARING FOOTBALL

HELMETS.

HITTING THE BEACHES WITH THOSE

ATV FOUR-WHEELERS, COUPLE OF

SAWED-OFF SHOTGUN'S DUCK TAPED

TO THE HANDLEBARS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BLOWING THROUGH THE COUNTRYSIDE,

"YOU DONE DONE IT NOW,

HAMPER HEAD!

YOU PICKED ON THE KING!

[LAUGHTER]

SOON AS I LOCATE YOU ON THIS

DEPTH FINDER, YOUR ASS IS MINE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]