Al Madrigal - Mexican Population

  • Season 9 , Ep 21
  • 06/30/2005
  • Views: 6,841

The Mexican population is growing in America. (2:44)

I MENTION THAT I'M MEXICAN.

I'M ACTUALLY HALF-MEXICAN.

GET USED TO IT.

'CAUSE IN ABOUT 5 TO 10 YEARS

YOU'RE ALL GONNA BE RELATED

TO ONE.

I GUARANTEE YOU THAT WHETHER

YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.

NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU PREPARED

YOUR FAMILY YOU'RE GONNA SHOW UP

AT THANKSGIVING ONE OF THESE

YEARS AND WALK IN AND SAY,

"HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING?

SINCE WHEN DID WE START SERVING

FLAN?

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

WHAT'S HAPPENING?"

WELL, WHAT'S HAPPENING IS

SOMEBODY'S BONIN' A LATINO

THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENING.

COULD BE YOUR SISTER.

IT COULD BE YOUR COUSIN.

IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU.

NOW LOTTA QUESTIONS.

NOBODY PANIC.

I'M JUST A MODERN DAY

PAUL REVERE WARN YOU THAT THE

MEXICANS ARE A COMIN', RIGHT?

[LAUGHTER]

'CAUSE THERE'S A LATIN BREEZE

SWEEPING THE COUNTRY,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HAVE YOU

FELT IT?

HAVE YOU FELT THE BREEZE

THIS FAR?

CERTAINLY IN THE BIG CITY

YOU HAVE.

HOW 'BOUT YOU, MA'AM, HAVE YOU

HAD YOURSELF A LATIN LOVER YET?

HAVE YOU, NOT YET?

WELL, YOU CAN GO BACK IN THE

KITCHEN-- ANY KITCHEN FOR THAT

MATTER.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

US MEXICANS WILL HAVE SEX

WITH YOU, RIGHT?

YEAH.

LET IT BE KNOWN.

ALL RIGHT?

'CAUSE REALLY WHAT'S HAPPENING

IS THERE'S A WARM FRONT OF

MEXICANS THAT ARE HUMPIN'

THEIR WAY NORTH, RIGHT?

[LAUGHTER]

TO THE POINT WHERE YOU'RE GONNA

BE UP TO CANADA ONE OF THESE

YEARS WALKING AROUND YOU'RE

LIKE, "HEY, LOOK, ESKIMOS!

THEY CAME DOWN!"

THOSE AREN'T ESKIMOS.

[LAUGHTER]

THEY'RE MEXIMOS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

MEXICANS IN PARKAS, TRYING TO

HAVE SEX WITH CANADIAN WOMEN.

ALL RIGHT, SO HOW DO YOU SPOT

YOURSELF A HALF-MEXICAN?

IT'S VERY SIMPLE.

THERE'S A LOT OF BROWN HYBRID

STUFF.

YOU LOOK OUT IN THIS CROWD AND

IT LOOKS LIKE, "COLOR ME BAD"

SAT DOWN, RIGHT?

EVERYBODY'S GETTING IT ON.

HUH?

AND SO HOW DO YOU SPOT YOURSELF

A HALF-MEXICAN?

IT'S VERY EASY.

OVERUSE OF THE WORD PEQUITO.

NOW FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO SPEAK

LESS THAN 20 WORDS OF SPANISH

PEQUITO MEANS JUST A LITTLE

BIT, A SMALL AMOUNT.

AND WHAT HAPPENS TO ME IS

I'M DARK COMPLECTED AND I WANNA

GO INTO THE HIP AUTHENTIC

TACORITAS, RIGHT?

AND I GO IN THERE AND THE SAME

THING HAPPENS EVERY, SINGLE

TIME.

I WANNA BE DOWN.

I GO IN, RIGHT, AND I PANIC.

AND REALLY AUTHENTIC PLACES,

TOO.

CHICKENS RUNNING AROUND ON THE

FLOOR.

GUY PASSED OUT IN THE CORNER.

AND I GO IN THERE AND THE GUY

SAYS SOMETHING COMPLICATED TO

ME AND I BLUSH, RIGHT, 'CAUSE

I'M GOOD WITH THE SALUTATIONS.

COMO ESTAS?

BIEN.

BIEN.

USTED?

AND THAT'S WHERE IT DROPS OFF

SEVERELY AT THAT POINT.

[LAUGHTER]

SO THE GUY SAID SOMETHING

COMPLICATED.

I PANICKED.

AND THEN HE SAYS,

" HABLE ESPAƑOL?"

AND I HAVE TO SAY, UN PEQUITO

AH-HAH."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

GO DOWN THE LINE TO THE NEXT

GUY.

"SALSA CALIENTE?"

" UN PEQUITO HA-HA."

" JUEVOS GRANDE?"

" UN PEQUITO.

UN PEQUITO."

AND THEN HE SAID, "BIG BALLS?"

AND I SAID, "NO.

MY BALLS ARE VERY TINY WITH A

SMALL SAC SIR."

AND THEN WHAT'S IT LIKE GROWING

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