Uncensored - Edwin San Juan - Being Filipino

Zhivago Blea, Cleto Rodriguez & Edwin San Juan Season 1, Ep 5 11/03/2011 Views: 17,642

When people find out that Edwin San Juan is Filipino, they always say the same thing. (3:34)

You don't have to clap.


(scattered applause)

Every time I tell peopleI'm Filipino, the first thing

they'd say,"Oh, Filipinos eat dogs."

Okay, look, I only haveone thing to say about that.

It's not bad.


You know, today there was aFilipino in front of Taco Bell

all pissed off, you know.

"What do you mean I can'torder that Chihuahua?

"That's on the menu.

"That's a false advertisement.

I want two Chihuahua tacoswith sour cream."

I had to go to DMV recentlyand renew my driver's license.

So I had to takethe written test over.

I had to take the picture.

I tried to do the picture,I tried to do the face.

The lady got mad.

"We have to retake the photo."

I was like,"Oh, I can't keep that one?

"This is not Disneyland."

Then I thought about itfor a second.

You know, I could havetook that picture.

I could have pulled it off,

you know, if I justwould have committed,

like, from the very beginning.

You know what I mean?

Like, if I would've walkedinto DMV like...


"Hello, I'm herefor the driver's license.

Take the number?Okay, thank you."

You know what I mean?

Just committed the whole time,you know.

"'B' as in Bolkswagen.

'F' as in Priday."

What the hell is Priday?

That's how Filipinos talk--

when we speak English, we mixthe the "Ps" and the "Fs."

Right, have you heardthat bepore?


See, that sounds pamiliar.

We all do it-- Latinos,Mexicans speak English--

you guys mix the "Ys"and the "Js," right?

Jou know what I mean?

Jes, jou do.

And don't get mad, Latinos.Latinos make fun of Asians

all the time, right?

"Crazy chino.

"Learn how to drive, estupid.


"Learn how to talk pirst,motherpucker."


(cheering and applause)

And if you're Latino and you'remad right now, don't be mad.

Latinos can't get mad.

If Asians make fun of you,you guys can't get mad.

'Cause I heard all that stuffgrowing up, right.

You guys have songsto make fun of Asians, right?

♪ Chino, chino, japonéscome caca no me des. ♪

(cheering and applause)

It's a racist song, right?

And your mamataught you that song.

That song's so racist.

Little girls jump ropeto that song.

♪ Chino, chino, japonéscome caca no me des ♪

♪ Chino, chino...

All right, let me explain.'Cause some of the white people

are like, "What the hellis he saying?"

I can see it in your faces.It's hilarious.

"Chino, chino" means"Chinese, Chinese."

"Japonés" means "Japanese."

"Come caca" means "eat caca,"right?

"No me des"-- "none for me."

All right, that's messed up.

"Eat caca, none for me."

And it's only for Asians.

(laughing with stereotypicalAsian accent)

All right, Latinos?

You guys have a song like thatfor Black people?

Huh? No. Right, there's no "Chocolate africano.

Come caca, use your mano."