- So I'm a single man.
I am the only man up here.
I'm a single man.
I've never really been singlebefore.
It's new.It's interesting.
It's not because I'm so,"I can't stop getting it wet,"
You ever offend yourself?
I just offended myself.
"I can't stop getting it wet"?Ugh.
It's not because of that.
It's because for the past,whatever, decade
I've been sexually active--I've never said that before.
"For the past decadethat I've been sexually active."
What, am I showing youa slideshow?
1950s high school?
This is a penis.Okay, here we go.
For my whole life,if I sleep with a girl,
I date herfor a year and a half.
That's how it works.She's not even aware of it.
I'm like, "I'm your boyfriend!"
That's how it works.
And I thoughtI'd give that a break.
I was like,let's see what happens
if I'm a self-reliant man,
and I will be a single man.
And I like it.
It's a give and a take.
The give,you can do whatever you want.
There's no little girlthere to be like,
"[bleep] stop it,knucklehead."
They're not there.
You can be like, I'm gonna shavewith Miracle Whip.
You'll be surprisedhow far you get.
You're just like, zesty.And it worked.
Downside: I choke on my soup,I die alone.